Blessed? Cursed? Or ignored?

What is blessing?     What is God’s goodness?

Is it only the physical manifestation of natural and emotional pleasures? 

To be well feed?

To be well housed?

To be well clothed?

To be well in body and mind?

To be surrounded by people who love you?

To be abounding in finances?

To have every earthly thing you could need or want?

Maybe it’s receiving answers to the needs as they come up?

To be healed when illness comes, to prosper when lack comes, to be comforted when difficulties come.

So, what is it when it seems like some or even many of these things are not present, or never come? Is that a lack of God’s goodness and blessing? Is it really just a lack of faith? Is it punishment? Or worse, is it a sign of His lack of attention?

We christians seem to have all the answers when we are not enduring a season of lack that touches more than one area of our lives. I was the same. I was taught, and learned well that what God has done for one He will do for another, because He is no respecter of persons. So, just because the man in the pew ahead of me at church has been healed from poor vision does that mean I will be? I thought so at one time. Would write out petitions to God (grocery lists really) of my needs. Notice the word “MY”. Though they were needs. I was never so assumptive to write frivolous things like a manicure or a BMW. Maybe that verse is more broad. More about God’s saving grace rather than physical comforts. My sins are no worse than another’s because all sin is abominable in the sight of God. It is only us humans who categorize them from bad to worse.

But the answers don’t stop there. I’ve heard them all. I’ve probably said them all. Hopefully not as harshly, or judgmentally as I have felt some of them said to me in the past. Like, for instance, if I don’t have what I need then I must not be walking in faith. 

Oh, I can tell you I know the intentions of my heart. Mostly I just wanted to fit in with everyone else, so I only wanted what they seemed to have; healthy families, full time jobs that were stable and long term, a nice home with matching furniture. To be able to go on a family vacation because we had paid holidays and money to spend on the trip. 

We didn’t have any of that, still don’t. But Oh, how I believed! Others had it, lots of them. All christian, all attending the same church, all loved God and worshipped loud, and read their bibles along with the preaching, and took notes. Even the few non-church people I knew had these things, and God knows how to give good gifts to his children, so why shouldn’t I have all that as well???  

I’m still asking this same question. Why can’t I, we have the same sort of stability? When will we get a break? Will we ever do better then just barely getting by?  

Some would look at our lives and assume we have never put seed into good soil all these years. That we have only ever eaten all our seed, or held it back only to rot in our hands. They would be wrong, these ones who live by and only talk about Godly finances. “Plant your seed, water your seed, speak over your seed. Give and it shall be given back to you, pressed down, shaken together and RUNNING OVER, it shall be given to you.” To that I say HA! You judge based on an obvious lack of fruit, but you didn’t see all the things we did in secret because we love our God, we know it’s right to do, and because we just plain love to give. And oh, how much more I wish I could give!!!Tithes and offerings and even alms. We have checked out the soil we plant in, we have seen the seed bless and prosper others. We have given our money, things, time and of ourselves. Yet today I sit with debt in two bank accounts, nothing left available on our credit card, no cash in hand, bills piling up, school fees to pay, no house or car insurance, nearly no gas left in the tank and no money to buy our medications, or more food. The next E.I. payment comes in a week from now, and that will only cover mortgage, a tank of gas and some food. No bills, on school fees, no medicine, no insurance. and still no job prospects yet. 

Still there is this thing that sits and gnaws at the back of my mind, because I was taught it. If God is good all the time, then there must be something I, we have not done...as if anything I could do could loosen or tighten the hand of God towards me. How prideful a religious teaching is that!?!! Yet so many christians will tell another that if the fruit isn’t there, they must be not doing something right, or at all. One minute we will spout off how good God is, that He is no respecter of persons, that He is a God of mercy but confronted with difficult circumstances in our lives we start blaming ourselves for missing some part of the puzzle. I was taught to do all I know and then, having done all to stand. Stand my ground. Stand firm and unwavering. Stand against the storm.

But sometimes, the storm can be just too big, the waves just too high. Nothing stands in the face of a tsunami. We all witnessed that just this year in Japan. The aftermath of such a storm, which has claimed lives, taken out entire cities, decimated farms, homes, transportation, and livestock, can be so hard on a people that those of us watching from afar on television just can not comprehend the pain, torment and fear a disaster like it has engulfed the people in. We can not comprehend what we have not experienced. It is too great a tragedy to wrap our selfish little brains around. It’s too easy to turn the channel, or the page, or click the mouse. Unless you live it.

I recall wanting to, and as a sign physically standing in the flood waters of the last Fredericton flood three years back. I felt tired of missing out on the good stuff. I wanted Gods goodness to overflow in my life too. Perhaps I forgot to first look at all the destruction a flood can cause. All the lack, the mess, and the upheaval it brings with it first. In fact, I never even thought of it before now. 


Sometimes, after all you have done and all the standing you have done, just sometimes there is nothing left to do but sit and cry. It is o.k. to cry. So next time you find someone in distress, don’t judge. Don’t be like Job’s friends who sat with him but proceeded to tell him everything that he must have done wrong. Instead, sit and cry with them. That will be more help then any words of supposed wisdom that you can come up with.