Amber Necklaces: Why are all the Christians suddenly relying on Crystals and Metaphysics?

When I got saved back in the late 80’s there was one thing I learned well. To stay far away from the New Age anything! I use to like music termed as New Age and though I loved the calming effect of background instrumental music I was taught it had powers I should not submit myself to. In hind sight I was really being told the powers and spiritual entities behind this metaphysical and pseudoscience New Agey stuff was more powerful than the spirit of God…but that’s a whole other story!

That was then and this is now. It’s been nearly 28 years since I threw out (or gave away?) my New Age albums. I never looked back. Never wondered about it, never really came across the ideas again. Fast forward to the year 2015 and I am now seeing amber necklaces on just about every baby in town. I can recall my first introduction to it. I remember thinking it was pretty. I also remember thinking, but not saying out loud, ‘isn’t that a choking hazard?’ , and ‘but isn’t that a new age crystal thing?’.

I find it strange. 

I don't have any more little babies. All mine are grown up, the youngest is now a teenager. So I’m thankful I didn't have to encounter the question of whether I would submit to cultural peer pressure or the old warnings to avoid all New Age looking stuff. And the peer pressure is real! I get it!! Who wants to have a cranky, drooly, teething baby when the mom beside you at Gymboree has a smily happy baby, supposedly thanks to the amber necklace she wears? It is silently judging you for not being a responsible parent cuz you don't have one for your baby therefore your child is suffering needlessly. Yadah,Yadah Yadah…

I wonder who the first person was who started putting amber necklaces on these helpless tiny humans. It’s a booming business now of course. But does anyone take the time to first find out why? Who said it calms babies from teething? Did anyone try their baby with the necklace and without to see it if made a noticeable difference? It’s totally something I would have done. But I’m super sceptical about almost everything anyway.

Which is exactly why I’m writing this. Because I’m sceptical that Christian moms out there are blindly following the pack without giving a single thought to the power or spirit behind the use of these amber necklaces. And I’m not against them at all! I just want to open the topic up for discussion so people can make their own decisions not based on peer pressure, or parental pressure. Here’s what I found.

Amber is used in the Metaphysical healing and cleansing of oneself or others.

“For millennia, crystals, minerals and gem stones have been used to bring about healing and enhance physical, emotional and spiritual balance. The ancients must have somehow known that when worn, the energies of the stones would interact with the human electromagnetic field to bring about subtle energetic changes.”

Another page goes on in depth about the qualities of Amber itself…

Lots of info out there in Google-land about the healing properties of amber, and other stones. Nothing conclusive scientifically though. Just the suggestion that it is more of a placebo effect.

I also found a writer that sounds like a concerned grandmother who also happens to be an actual scientist. She did some research and its thorough. You can find her article here.

She found that the “scientific” reasons for wearing amber may not be worth it. If Amber contains Succinic Acid and that’s what is leaching out of the amber into the baby to bring calmness then is it measurable, helpful, or harmful?

Here’s some of what she found out…

• Baltic amber (the type usually recommended for teething) does contain succinic acid (here). Other types may not.

• I could find no evidence that Baltic amber releases succinic acid at body temperatures. Succinic acid melts at 187 °C but it’s moderately soluble in water. So if it indeed seeps out of the amber, it couldn’t be in molten form. Body temperature (about 37 °C) would be insufficient to melt it. There is a possibility it could be dissolved by sweat.

• Succinic acid is found naturally in our bodies and in many foods, including beer and wine (here). In some countries, it’s allowed as a food additive (number 363). Generally, it’s considered safe (here), although, just as there are no studies on its analgesic effects (see next point), there are none investigating its safety in humans. Interestingly, in bulk it’s regarded as a skin and respiratory irritant, with a risk of serious eye damage (MSDS here). The oral rat LD₅₀ is 2.26 g/kg.

• There is some history of succinic acid being used externally to treat pain. I could find no scientific evidence that it works. Scepticon had the same problem – no studies, no RCTs, nothing. There is a single animal study (here) showing that succinic acid may help in reducing anxiety in mice, but nothing on analgesic effects.

Those are two perspectives. Here’s mine. 

I absolutely hold no disrespect towards Moms and Dads who use amber necklaces on their babies. I believe God created everything in this world for our use and we, as the prophets of our own lives have full blessing to live and breathe and have our being however we decide is best for us to live. Scientifically we now know that everything has a vibration. Christians would even go so far to say the vibrations in every object is just a remnant of God speaking it into existence. I don’t disbelieve that either. Of course things with their own vibrations can and do effect the vibrations of something near it. If you know anything about music this is a basic principle. So maybe, regardless of whether science has yet been able to prove or disprove the benefit of using crystals or stones there still might be some benefit to the internal vibrations we humans have, or even pick up walking through this messy complex life that can help ground us, or stabilize us. I think it’s possible anyway.

As for me, this topic of Amber Necklaces for babies doesn't yet apply to me (Grandmotherhood could be just a year or four away after all) but the teaching does. So does the life lesson to be open to all that God created and provided for us. Just because something was once wrapped up in spirituality that I didn’t at the time understand, does not mean I should now continue to keep a closed mind to it. I’m actually more apt to go hunt those old fears down and investigate them for some underlying truths that were missed, that made them attractive in the first place. That made them fearful and seem dangerous to the people in my early formative christian years.

Either I was under the influence of some really warped teaching, obviously very fear based, or else there is validity to the apprehension towards crystals, gems, and stones. But that’s not for me to decide for you. That is for you to decide for yourself.

A Problem With Christianity

Lets face it, there are many problems with christianity because, well it involves people. As soon as people get involved in anything something is going to go wrong.

Well "people" have had ahold of Christianity for too long and made all kinds of stupid decisions, and rules. In fact, I have come to believe much of what we see, either in the news of Right Winged Evangelicals, or right in your local neighbourhood church is more man made rules and traditions than what the Creator of the Universe actually intended for us. Here's one example.

(Please, keep in mind as you read, I was one of these judgmental christians that I describe. This comes out of the process of relearning to think for myself, I am exploring who I was and who I want to be now. I do not write this to condemn anyone, but hopefully to show that love must always win.)

Sex before marriage. Hot topic right? In theory most christians who have been in any one church long enough will eventually come to hear, if not fully believe that sex before marriage is wrong, and well, down right sinful! Though nowhere in the Bible does it actually say the words 'sex before marriage is sinful' it does address the issues of adultery and sexual immorality as condemnable. The closest thing then to condemning sex before marriage comes from Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:2 (AMP), where he says, "But because of the temptation to impurity and to avoid immorality, let each [man] have his own wife and let each [woman] have her own husband." It's understandable how they came to this conclusion to some degree. Today we see culturally that what we tolerate today becomes the Norm just one generation later. It's just unfortunate that we end up getting told what to do, or not do based on fear instead of love. Back to my point...

As a result, on the whole, the 'church' says SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE IS SINFUL.

So, what do we do when someone in our youth group (everyone knows as least one, no?) or our own child (god forbid!) in absolute fear, reveals that she is pregnant?!? What do you do? 

Well, I know what my reaction was when I heard at 17 that another girl in my youth group was pregnant and the christian father was not in the picture anymore. I felt sad. Sad that she was alone, sad that she was having a baby, sad for the baby. Not once did I feel excited that she was having a baby! I was taught the whole situation was sad. I wasn't close friends with her to begin with, so it never effected my relationship with her, but maybe this mindset I had learned prevented me from having a friendship with her later on. I was biased against her, for all the wrong reasons when what she really needed was love and support. 

I also recall feeling sad for her parents and family. I was young, but knew her pregnancy meant her whole family was now judged harshly by the church at large. 'That poor family'. Obviously this daughter had a rebel spirit. They were such a good upstanding family in the church, until then...I never saw much of her after the rumour of her pregnancy spread through the church. It's no wonder really.

So let me dissect this a bit. 

If a girl (I'm not picking on girls...if you're looking for a feminist fight go somewhere else...I'm just trying to explain my point of view here without the need for politically correct explanations)...

If a girl admits she's pregnant, as a church we condemn her because she had sex outside of marriage. She's labeled as sinful. So what do we do with the baby? Abortion is out of the question for a born again christian, because we very strongly believe abortion is murder and therefore also sin. That doesn't stop the girl, the guy involved, or any of the soon to be grandparents from entertaining the idea as 'easier' though, really, if we are honest. It enters the mind weather you want it to or not.
Do we force the girl to give it up for adoption and to hide a beautiful gift of life in order to hid her sin? Sadly sometimes that happened(s). Probably more than I realize. Do we force the girl and boy (man and woman) to get married so that the pregnancy outside of marriage is only you know, sort of sinful? What if that's really the wrong thing for these two people and causes way more problems for them in the long run? Cuz, being a divorced mother is just as bad in the church culture as being a single mom, never married (so I hear from a divorced mother of 4). 

It's like "we" as a church culture are trying to figure out which is the least sinful way of "dealing" with an obvious sin. But really, all that is accomplished is that this fictitious girl I've mentioned now feels horrid, rejected, sad and perhaps even angry. Those are NOT the feelings we want a young lady to feel when she has a precious life all curled up inside her, closer to her heart and emotions than anyone else ever could be. With unloving responses to a life situation that should bring joy instead we condemn, reject and judge harshly. This damages all parties involved on a deep level. It binds up and puts all involved in fear. 

Yet, if she had only waited to get pregnant AFTER she was married everything that is sad about the situation would be celebrated and rejoiced, shouted from the rooftops, posted on Facebook, and Instagram, or even Periscoped. WHY!!?? 

It is a thin veil indeed between the two. Which is why I personally have decided I no longer want to react with sadness to the joyous news that someone I know is expecting a baby. Married or not, young or old, financially "set" or barely making it. Those things should not be a factor. Instead, and again regardless of their life situation, I should rejoice with them, and if I'm in their life in any important kind of way, see what I can do to help them. 

Cuz, I've had four babies....and no one knows better than I just how much help, encouragement, love, and a good friendship one could use while raising a family. Whether that love comes once, for a short time, or for a long time, it is always needed. 

For me, it's time to choose love over man made rules.

What response do you choose?

God Encounter

I love God encounters. Unfortunately I have found they don’t come often, or last long. My experience has been one of frustration regarding this area. I use to have God encounters often a few years ago. Back before our church kind of fell apart. I still miss those days. Those were the days when I had people of faith loving me for who I was and what I was becoming as if they were one and the same. I felt loved and validated, so I was able to feel that love from God too. It was easy then to just be in His presence and experience Him. 

My experiences of feeling His presence included whole body trembling. It was not so visible from the outside, but internally I felt like I was on continual Vibrate. Once it lasted three whole days, until I literally couldn't take it anymore and asked God to stop. It still happened from time to time after that, just not as long as that time. But it also happened fewer and farther between until I just never seemed to sense His physical manifestations anymore. 

The last one I can recall I wrote about here in this blog. I had gone for a random roaming in the car with my friend. She controlled the playlist and I drove. By the time we got back to the city I was drunk in the spirit and not driving safely anymore. When we arrived at her place I literally crawled into her kitchen and laid laughing on the floor. I couldn't go anywhere. I was enjoying every second of the spiritual drunkenness. It was a first time for me, and never having been drunk on alcohol before this was truly a first. It ended abruptly when I was told to quiet down…my first spiritual drunk was squelched by someone I thought would understand and would have grace to let me enjoy it. I left feeling deflated by her instead of built up and encouraged by His encounter. That was three years ago perhaps….and the last physical manifestation of God I have experienced, until last weekend.

Fast forward to Valentines Weekend 2015. My husband and I were away for the weekend out of town at a lovely hotel. Snowed in on Sunday we literally just hung out resting most of the day. Sometime before dinner I turned on my computer to WorshipMob on Youtube and watched their version of Say Something. It is a song that will stop you in your tracks and arrest your heart. It is powerful! It is also very beautifully sung. Such emotion in the voices. I let the music and the words penetrate me. I felt them. I associated with them. And I worshiped Him. 

After listening to that song at least three times I moved on to a few of their other covers, Oceans was one. Another powerful song when you listen to the words. And I felt them deeply. Then I became aware that I was twitching and shaking. A physical manifestation of Gods presence, finally! This was not a self induced reaction, but it was a familiar reaction for me. The feeling caused me to wiggle, or twitch. My body was reacting like I was being gently kicked in the stomach and I was reacting in slow motion. I couldn't stop it if I wanted. I can't make myself do it, not the same anyway. And when Gods presence rests on you it is not something you want to go away, or try to reproduce on your own. It’s often different for each person how He responds to you and in you. That’s the best I can do to describe it. It's wonderful and intimate. 

I had SUCH revelation while I worshiped and enjoyed His weight on me. I wrote a friend later trying to described it, but I just couldn’t do it justice in such a short description.

Specifically when I was listening to Oceans (originally by Hillsong United) I was most moved by these lyrics….

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Saviour

These words just brought me to a realization that I, having sung them many times before, fully asking God with all my heart to do exactly this. To take me to new places, where I have no preconceived ideas of what to expect. To take me in places I would never think to wander myself....and here I am, doing just that!

My revelation was not done!

Here is what I wrote (and I’ll probably add for clarification) to my friend later that night.

“A surprising evening connecting with God tonight with some really meaningful worship music.

I did not feel condemned, which I suspected I would seeing as I’ve pulled myself away from most church related activities. I did not feel wrong, sinful, judged or anything negative at all. Quiet the opposite in fact! I felt the lack of resistance because of the music and therefore more open to Him. And more moved by Holy Spirit. I actually had a physical manifestation of His presence. A gentle shaking that came and went. I’ve had that same reaction to Him before. I felt like I was being affirmed that I was on exactly the right path for my life. Heading the right way. It’s not the path or direction any regular church goer would ever understand. In fact all of them would probably assume I am further from God than I ever have been before.

Most similar image to what I saw in my vision.

No! This is a mountain top experience! This is revelation! I am at a new vantage point in which I can see others the same way Jesus see us. He does not look at us with lenses or filters at all, except the filter of His shed blood, the lens or His Fathers love. I too can now see others from above, from His vantage point, and without the lenses dictated by society, or denomination, or even culture. I can see humanity in its purity. without spot or wrinkly. And we are perfect!”

I haven't been able to force myself to sit and worship for a long time. This evening it just came naturally. With no effort at all. Feeling His presence physically also came without me trying. Before it was usually something I strived for, to earn or to stretch for, hoping that if I was just maybe good enough in the last week, or honest hearted enough maybe I would sense Him in some way. For the first time it happened without the ache of trying, or striving, or the mental anguish of, “I’m not worthy”. For the first time it just came because I had stopped trying. I stopped resisting. The negative speak in my head had stopped weeks ago, so nothing was telling me I couldn't do it…but instead I was lost in the moment and just was…and then He showed up!

Dear Katie

Received this message on my Facebook Timeline this morning.

This is my long response...

Katie:

I am at a lose for words….but maybe as I write I can force my mind to form into words the emotions your thoughtful post has evoked!

First of all, I think the me you saw all those years ago was not nearly as stressed out as I eventually got. I am so thankful for our friendship, your love and your prayers! It was one of the best decisions in my life to fly you into Winnipeg to help after Rose was born. I remember wishing you could just live with us forever. You were so helpful and the kids loved you so much.

My experience sounds a little similar to the shows plot line. At the time we found out Rebekah had OI I too had faith that God would only give me what I could handle. And to His glory by the time she was born the broken femur that was bent in her first ultrasound was straight with no outward sign there had been a fracture before birth. The x-rays confirmed the healed fracture. Genetic counselling was given so we understood the odds were 50% for each child to be born with Brittle Bones. But other than the first appointment to diagnosis both Rebekah(3mos) and Larry(30yrs) we never sought out anything further during each pregnancy because abortion was NEVER an option for us. My mother on the other hand was the only one who suggested that I shouldn’t have anymore babies because of the disorder, though she never suggested abortion either….it was a painful conversation that still upsets me to this day (Bekah is now 21).

Every life has value and a purpose. Every encounter we each have with others in this life is an opportunity to shape the other. It is our choice if we will allow that interaction to make us better or worse for it.

I don’t think, looking back now, that I was overwhelmed because I had four children with Brittle Bone Disorder or because my husband had multiple heart surgeries. I was overwhelmed because of the lack of good relationships in my life that would allow me to speak, be heard, feel valued, and important and like a contributing part of society. Having other mothers, grandmothers and women in general not want to ask me how I was, back away from me even was very lonely.  Not being offered help, not being available to be a shoulder to cry on, not speaking encouragement or life into me and who I was as a wife, mother or woman is where the hurt came in. 

So if I was to speak of anything that is hard, or overwhelming in life in general it is not the physical demands of being a parent to children who have special care requirements. Those things can be tiring, challenging, and frustrating….sometimes even exhausting. But it is the lack  of emotional support that hurts, harms and ultimately defeats a parent, any parent, any person. Feeling alone in the world, especially when you have to deal with difficult situations is the true illness of society. Being a christian I probably held other christians to a higher standard. One which they all failed, regardless of where I lived. With a few brief exceptions. In Winnipeg my best friend was Sikh and not a christian at all. The two years I lived beside her were the best years in Winnipeg, because I finally had a friend with whom I could talk about anything. She was not afraid to hear about the things I found challenging and had to deal with for the health of my family. And I was able to do the same for her. I dearly loved her and wish I could find her as we lost contact with all our moves.

Another example of the lack of support happened early in my life. At 16 I worked for a year with a little boy who was legally deaf, blind and had Cerebral Palsy. He was sweet and his mother very kind. By the time I was in my 20’s the news broke one day of their murder suicide. She was overwhelmed by the lack of help, especially as he was aging out of the system as he approached 18. It was a very sad story and was difficult for me having actually known them years ago. 

The lack of emotional help offered to me as a parent through the Shriners Hospitals has also concerned me over the years. No one knew I was depressed for all those years, nor would I admit it to myself, because ya know, as a christian I was support to be happy. And obviously my faith was not strong enough or else my family would have been healed! But not once was I ever asked how I was coping with four children, and a husband who had health issues. Not once was I asked if I wanted to talk about it. Nor was it suggested that I see a counsellor but my family physician or the Social Workers at any of the hospitals we would grace the floors of during some crisis or other. 

So, my big question is, who is taking care of the carers? Who is seeking to befriend them? Who is loving them and supporting them. Treating them like normal humans with a need and desire for relationships other than doctor/patient/caregiver connections? Who is checking on them and how they are doing? I had no one, literally for years on end. My life was too overwhelming for others to consider being friends with me. But friendships, or mentorships would have made a huge difference in my life. The church fell very short of loving one another in my case….how many other women are sitting in pews and chairs feeling unnoticed, unimportant, overwhelmed, and unloved? 

This is why I have no use for putting myself in those seats ever again. But also why I want to be a mentor and to love on the young women who will let me love them in my life.

Jenn

A Letter to my fellow Christians

Dear Christian Brothers and Sisters;

     Today I have decided to finally write to you. I write because I am hurt once again by your continued ignorance and judgments levied against me. Yes, I know you mean well and think you are looking out for my best interest. But your finger pointing only results in at least three fingers pointed right back at yourself. So today I'm going to show you what you look like from my perspective.

General Background....
I have four children and a loving husband. All of whom were born and diagnosed with a bone disorder causing them to fracture easily. An additional side effect is the possible development of scoliosis. All four kids did develop some degree of it, my younger two far worse. Both need medical intervention to some degree. One needs surgery by March or April of 2015. The other now wears a brace to hopefully prevent her from ever getting to the point of needing surgery.  That's where we are right now. An emotionally difficult stage somehow wishing and barely hoping that God will intervene THIS time to correct their backs without the need of surgery.


The History....
Due to this disorder, the lack of understanding, and educated doctors locally we had to seek out help. We needed medical specialists who have been studying this connective tissue disorder and treating it successfully. We were blessed enough to find world renowned doctors in Montreal. And I literally mean world renowned! They are the top specialists in the field of research and treatment for connective tissue disorders who actually travel the world. What a blessing to find such knowledgable physicians and researchers, who are also very gifted at treating children. We have also never paid for any of the travel, hotel stays, or our food while there. This includes airfare! Never have we had to pay out of pocket for one trip. Nor have we ever had to pay for orthopaedic or bracing appliances. That's been probably thousands of dollars alone!

So for 17 years now we have been attending appointments at least twice a year in Montreal, and St. Louis, Mo (during a four year stint in the States). All four children have improved in their bone density and thus reduced the number of fractures due to the treatments they receive and the instruction we have all gotten regarding everyday living. Like what to avoid, what to do, what to eat, and what not eat. The quality of their lives and our families life has only improved because of these wonderful specialist.

The Shame.....
My only insinuated shame comes from where I take my children to get this free and amazing medical care. We go to The Shriners Hospital for Children. 
Yes, you are correct, the Shriners have to be Masons before they can be Shriners. And if you are a christian who believes in the power of healing you have no doubt heard that to be connected to a Mason is also to be subject to the vows they take of secrecy when they join. 
So out of the goodness of peoples hearts I have had books pushed in my face about the Masons. I have been told, bluntly, that we need to stop going to the Shriners hospital and renounce the curse we have taken on our family for going. 
It's as if Christ's death did nothing to protect us from this present evil at all!

The Result.....
I had to come to a place where I could attend the hospitals for the great care my children still needed but have a blanket statement to give you well meaning busybodies. This is it..."The wealth of the wicked is stored up for the just". Being a christian, saved by His Grace I am now a new creation. I am now a Saint. And as such I have the right and privilege to take and use what was meant, or spoken, in evil and receive it as a part of my inheritance and blessing. I was at peace with this until one of my daughters heard someone talking about the Shriners and she came to me wondering why there was any negative associated with going there, as she has done since birth. You were no longer dealing with me, you touched the innocent heart of my child! Mother bear has just been woken!

In Conclusion......
So, let me say this, well meaning Brother and Sister in Christ. Your well meaning stinks of self righteous judgement. Not once has any who criticized me for taking my children to the Shriners Hospitals and told me to break ties with the organization ever offered an alternative.
Not one individual, church or ministry, has ever offered to stand with us and pray daily, or hourly, for as long as it was necessary to see full healing and restoration in any one of my children. Nor has any of those mentioned ever offered to pay for our flights, our food or our hotels to visit these very same doctors in the Montreal Childrens Hospital, where they also practice.  

If I am so in the wrong for taking my children to get the medical care they required because I am not walking in faith, or taking on a curse under a particular philanthropical  association due to their own lack of wisdom by making a vow against God (have grace, they do not know what they are doing), then how much more are you, dear brother and sister in the wrong for judging me for doing my best for the care and health of my children when the very brothers and sisters I need to stand with me and fight abandon me?!

The Encouragement.....
Let me not be accused of lashing out hatefully at you for your own lack of wisdom brothers and sisters. I want to take this last moment to encourage you. Please, lay your hands on the sick, cast out demons so that they all recover. Seek and chase after the signs and wonders Jesus told us we will also do in Mark 16:15-18. Let this only be a reminder and even a wake up call to you Church, that sometimes  (probably more than we would like) you will need to make the commitment to walk that difficult road WITH the sick, the lame and the demon possessed in order for there to be full joy for all when the restoration does come. What is there to loose in the perseverance in such matters? What is there to gain should be the real question. 
For, as it is in my case, I have very nearly left the fold over the years of your judgments. Angered, beaten down and discouraged by always seeming to not be strong enough in my faith, or good enough for your help. How much different could our lives have been if only one person made the commitment to walk with us in this difficult journey of multiple health issues, and just prayed for even one of my children every time they saw them, or thought of them? What if we were encouraged instead of repeatedly discouraged in doing the best for our children that we knew to do?
So, learn from us. We were worthy of the effort, but no one seemed up to the task of taking on a long term commitment. Oh, the rewards that could have been gained by ALL of us! So instead keep in mind, the next person you see most probably needs the same kind of love, encouragement and commitment that we have been denied. Unless maybe, I'm really just expecting too much....

"Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you."

~ 2 Corinthians 13:11

An Outer Perspective Brings Inner Seeing.

Ya know how you see yourself differently then others see you?

  Well, I have recently taken a bit of a look at myself from a perspective outside myself.  I think it's a healthy thing to do, noticing how people see you. Not your inner intentions but your outward actions and reactions.

  Cuz let's face it, we look great to ourselves when we judge our motives and dismiss our actions, the inflection in our voices, our body language, facial expression and other outward expressions others see.

  Of course, even this statement is biased. Everyone is self-centred to some degree or other. Most of our truest motives are for our own benefit and not someone else's. Part of that is just self preservation. Instinctual. But a large part of it, if we are truly honest with ourselves, is just pleasure based. Even helping others can be self motived. How does it make YOU feel, or how does it make YOU look to others? Will helping others EARN you brownie points with God…etc. 

K, established…..So my perspective is what I'm really wanting to flesh out here. 

  I'm not sure I set out to look at myself from someone else's perspective on purpose. It was a series of little things that brought it to my attention and has it rolling around in my head now and then.

  The first I think, has taken a while to filter in. At my mothers Celebration of Life three years ago. For the first time in my life, I was given a glimpse at how others saw my Mom. I was usually frustrated with her growing up, and after I moved out and married. But Mom, it turned out was a very fun loving, well loved and generous person! She volunteered over 30 years to Girl Guides, worked in nursing probably as long. Changed careers when I was in my teens and worked with kids in the public school district and later volunteered for the Daffodil campaign for the Canadian Cancer Society. She had good friends for many years who played cards every month for over 20 years. Her friends thought the world of her. I had a completely different perspective growing up. Which is too bad really. I missed out on a wonderful person apparently! 

So that experience has been rolling around in my head and heart for three years now.

  A nudge towards this idea has been building because of work. As an employee at a coffee shop where I get to don a brown uniform day in and day out, who I am is toned way down in order to represent the coffee chain. I am a coffee automaton. Most days I hate it. But it has given me food for thought too. Since I can not express myself in outward appearence my fellow workers and regular customers get to see me in my actions, attitude, and facial expressions. At work I'm pleasant. I could count on one hand the number of times I have been very upset, angry or frustrated in the year I've worked there. From what I can tell, most of the employees actually like me, but few if any have pursued any kind of deeper friendship with me, and my attempts to do so with some of them are weak I must admit. 

  My second big push to look at myself from the outside came at a coffee date with a friend.

She was describing a long time friend of hers to me this last time. I can't even remember the exact term she used, but I do remember one was "she is a bit like a sailor on shore leave", meaning she is full of life and goes after living life to its fullest. I laughed at such a funny and unusual description. Then I realized what a compliment it was. What a great compliment! If only I was that kind of person! If only I could be described that way! But I know I'm not.

So how would someone describe me?! Not like that! I can not kid myself about that. 

  There are definitely different layers of me that could be described. Some know me causally, some think they know me, only a few know me well at all. Then there are the different areas of me that don't get brought out often, but a few only see that part of me. This is the part of me I'm most worried about right now.

Am I an angry Christian, an angry person?

  If you bring up issues of health care I can get rather upset. I have strong feelings about doctors, their god-like status in our culture, their lack of compassion, and specifically some of the doctors I have dealt with regarding my kids or husbands  health. The thought of them just makes me angry. The idea that Canadian health care seems stuck and incapable of evolving or improving due to lack of funds angers me like nothing else. Unfortunately I'm also in no position to do anything about it. I'm not even educated enough to know who to talk too, or how my experience could be a benefit. I also don't think so highly of myself that I assume what I have to say is even important enough to tell someone who could do something.

  Then if you bring up anything about church, or even God it doesn't give me good feelings any more. Instead I feel angry. I know I'm ruined for attending any kind of box church again. I don't think I'd be able to sit in a pew and listen to someone else's idea of what we should think about God, or how we should walk out, or work out our faith walk. Do this, don't do that….God helps those who help themselves yadda, yadda, yadda! If you bring up issues about Gods goodness, or prayer working, or anything at all, I've got an negative response now. I didn't use to! But then again I use to sit and hang on every word some pastor would say in his/her sermon. 

  I'm now thinking this issue of being an angry christian is way too deeply rooted in some wrong belief for me to delve into it here. I could be feeling this way because I really feel betrayed somehow. Maybe it's because I have stopped attending any kind of "service" where there is teaching, now that I have been working every weekend for the last year. Maybe I feel this way because I'm still depressed. I did stop taking anti-depressants back a year ago. Maybe I shouldn't have! 

Ha! But I don't have a doctor to talk to about this issue cuz I fired her ass back three years ago because she was almost worse then having none! 

  And the cycle continues. I mostly avoid these topics unless it gets brought up by others. If I dwelled on them all the time I really would be an angry person all the time. Thankfully I can turn those parts off during most of my dealings in a common week and live fairly happily. 

  Small mercies, very few people actually have access to even attempt to dive that deep with me. So it's easy to ignore these issues. Unfortunately, that also means when I need to do some digging to clear out the clumps they aren't around to help.

Maybe there is a deeper reason to why I hate gardening! But that is a different blog topic.

What's in the Purge?

Today, I have the day off.
I typically go out on my days off or I end up sitting in my Pj's most of the day catching up on my shows that aired on the weekend. Sometimes I don't.

Today is one of those days. Today I thought I would clean my daughters bedroom. It's 12:30 pm here and I have yet to step foot in her room. I got distracted by the bathroom. I started to clean it first. I have yet to wash or wipe down anything in there yet too. I got distracted again. By all the jewelry making a mess on my counter. 
As neat as I have tried to be and as organized as I can be by having hooks on the wall for necklaces and a three tiered jewelry stand it all got crowded and....umm, dusty. Midway through cleaning I decided to purge my unused and unwanted jewelry. Why return to the same place that which I will not ever wear? In fact I was just speaking to a friend last night about the general rule for cleaning out closets and drawers. Anything not worn in the last six months, or the entire last season it was good for, pitch it! I've not really had to live by THAT particular rule much since we tended to move every three or less years over the course of our 22 year marriage that I had many opportunities to purge with each move. Weight eventually played a role in the purge of clothing sessions I had sometime around 10 years ago. 

Interestingly, I have never really purged my jewelry in all that time. Mind you I've not really been a big fanatic about jewelry. I'm very much a practical person when it comes to spending money or purchasing and asking for gifts. We've never had a lot of money for my husband to buy me expensive babbles. I like things, like sapphires and diamonds, and silver, but practicality doesn't give me much opportunity to wear such things. I've been a stay at home Mom for most of our married years and only recently have been working full time....at a job that I can't wear any jewelry at, except stud earrings. Which I of course had almost none of so I had to increase my daily options by picking out some cute ones at Claire's.

Now let me get down to the nitty gritty of this purge though! Cuz, if you have ever done a good purge of stuff you know how therapeutic it can be, but also how revealing! The benefit that can come out of a good clean up can be as simple as just feeling lighter and less cluttered. Though if you are even a slight bit like me you will tend to "see" a little deeper into yourself through the process. I am very thankful that the one thing I did not see about me is that I am NOT a hoarder. 
Much of what I have (or did have) can be classed into a few categories. Used regularly, For special occasions, Inherited, and Never used. There are sub-categories, like the wonky bracelets, or too small necklaces my kids made me over the years, or the favourite earring that I lost one of and somehow expect to find the missing one. Most of the subcategories I actually pitched today. Loose beads rolling around in the bottom of a jewelry box I have hidden in my closet. String with little more than three beads and a plastic charm or empty wire, hooks and half a clasp all found in the old candy jar from Nana that became a catch-all. All gone. Mind you the jar still has stuff I just can't be bugged running around the house to return to their places yet....one day I'll get to that too.

The interesting stuff was not the old gifts from chubby hands so long ago. Now the stuff that was revealing was the actual jewelry I have kept but don't wear. I have gold (or gold coloured) necklaces that I have not worn in 20 years and probably will not wear again, but I keep them because they were given to me and hold sentimental value. Old crosses, empty chains, a blue stone heart with no chain, a tarnished "silver" bracelet given to me by my husband and my first two kids. How do you throw those things out?

 Most of these I have kept.
Including the most telling piece of all!
 A necklace from Avon. I can remember wearing it at the age of eight maybe. My Mother had given it to me, maybe for my birthday one year. I don't remember. It is gold with an oval charm, engraved with a saying, "Thursdays child has far to go". I was born on a Thursday. There is a poem that speaks to each day of the week a child was born. It was cute back then when I was innocent. Before I knew the power of words spoken over people. (Poor Wednesday's Child! Worse off then Thursdays)

I returned the necklace to it's hiding place and was about to actually clean the bathroom now that the mess was dealt with when it slowly dawned on me. I have been living under that prophesy from that necklace most of my life! That cute kids poem is saying that Thursday children don't measure up to the standard! We have a long way to go to get there. Lots of work to do to "make it", to achieve life's goals. In fact that one little statement is left open ended....who says Thursdays child actually gets to where they are trying to go?  
I know in my knower that I just found a root in why I felt like I never measured up all my life. I have  lived always feeling like my parents liked my sister better. That she was smarter, prettier, and more talented then I. I was never told those things by my parents, or my sister for that matter. It's just what I always felt. I can't remember not thinking that way as I grew up. In my own comparisons to my peers at school or at dance I felt less then all of them. That feeling of not measuring up followed me into my marriage, into parenting and into my walk with God. No wonder I felt like I just couldn't be loved by God! Right from the get go I thought I didn't measure up to His standard, because I had far to go. I was starting at a disadvantage. How could I ever expect to measure up?!!

Well bless my socks I am now free! That necklace is now in the garbage. Never again will I hang that around my neck (metaphorically too) and feel inferior. I refuse to keep it and pass it on to one of my children. I also could not in good conscience allow someone else to put that mentality onto another child by selling or giving away that necklace. 

No. It is where it belongs, along with the false belief that I have far to go. No, I am now free of that. I, just like you, am exactly enough, not too much, and not starting off behind the eight ball. 
I DO measure up and I do bring great things to the table! 
Praise God...

We are all the same.

One day I had someone tell me I was just like everyone else.
It stung.
Not because they were being harsh, or putting me down, but because they were right.
I am just like everyone else. I was noticing this on my own before being told, and that's why the statement stung for so long.

Once, a long time ago I would have never admitted it publicly but I thought of myself as better then some. You know the ones. The ones whose sin or misguided judgement was obvious and in your face. As obvious as blatant sexual perversities,  lewdness, or drunkenness. Even, dare I say, as innocent as bad hygiene or dental habits! Of course I was better then they were, I thought. I had it together. I was clean, tidy, had all my teeth, and they were straight. I was polite and impure thoughts just didn't enter my mind. I was never lewd, rude or out of control. By human standards I was a "good" person.
What a fool I was!
All those things are surface stuff. Just extensions or outward signs of what is in the heart. But I had stuff, and still do, that I was unwilling to admit then. Stuff I'd be hard pressed to admit openly now except to say that I am not perfect and I know it.

What lead me, and leads most of us to assume some are better then others? It is the humanness in us that judges based on degrees of good or bad. The human assumption that murder is worse then rape. But murder and rape are WAY worse then gossip. Yet all are deemed as sin according to the Old Testament. All sin is equal to God. All sin hides us from His sight. Creates a barrier between He and we, and between each other. It stops the flow of His love, and can even create hate within us. Hate in our hearts towards another is just as bad as murder according to The New Testament.
So if I judge another human as unworthy or less then me I am walking in sin just by the mere act of judging.
Romans 2: 16 says,  'God, by Jesus Christ will judge men in regard to the things which they conceal'. Yet we also read that He bore our sins upon Himself. He took the judgement for us,bearing the blame and the consequence of all our sins against Him and against each other. His judgement was to take our judgement and let us off scotch free! That is so amazing that no selfish, blame-finding human could have thought of it. Only a God of mercy would conceive such a crazy plan and pull it off.
So, where I thought I was better then others I was just the same.

Where I would hope to have shed some of my imperfect humanness I was only ignoring it and focusing on another's imperfect humanness. Degrees may be different, but the motive or cause is the same. The obviousness of my sin may be less visible to others because of my walls, but I was no less in the wrong.
We are ALL the same. Every one of us, in spite of our individualities and uniqueness.
But there is HOPE! If we are all the same in our wrongs, we are also all the same in our forgiveness! Each one of us is forgiven the same. No one can be excluded from the club. No one can excuse themselves from the removal of our sins. Not one of us can do a single thing to make God not forgive us, because it is done all ready! Not one of us can do anything to earn more forgiveness than another person. It is all equal. Christ's blood was spilt for all of us, not one excluded, not one more covered than another. We are all the same, all made equal in His sacrifice.
So, I might not always be able to be in control of my thoughts, emotions, or even my words. I am mighty thankful that should my limited human efforts to keep in check according to how I think I should act, or be that His grace and mercy are available to cover up my multitude of sins when I can't . He has done the same for you too already, without your permission. He didn't need your permission to forgive you. You just only need to accept this fact. It's the kind of thing that could change your life forever if you let it.
It's free, it's good, and its already yours, and mine!
Thank God, cuz there are some days I'm a mess!

TOO HUMAN?

I found today to be a hard day.

I felt inadequate, unprepared, and "too human" to be the kind of help I think I should be as a Bringer of Light. I suppose the point, that many Christians don't get, is that I am inadequate, I will never be always prepared, and I am forever "too human". That is why God sent Jesus.

Right off the bat today a lady at work came and asked me if I knew of anyone, or anywhere to go for her child who was very depressed. She was truly afraid for his life today. I suggested phycologists, some churches have free counselling, or emergency dept if it's really bad....Not much help at all. I prayed the rest of the morning between customers. For his safety, for peace, for Gods presence to be felt and keep him from harming himself, amoung other things. His Mom felt helpless I could see, I felt inadequate!
Thankfully God brought a new person into my coffee shop today. Turns out he is a pastor and I asked him the same question for my friend. He gave me the name and number of another pastor, whom I know. He does crisis counselling and works with a lot of youth. I am thankful that even though I was unprepared to provide the hope this woman, this desperate Mom needed, God heard both our cries for help and sent the right person in for me to meet. It's up to her now if she calls, but God provided what she asked for where I could not.

The other feeling of being "too human" is bigger than any one issue that came up today. It just follows me all the time. Some days I feel quite capable of loving others unconditionally. The joy that God is at work in the lives of others around me just can't help but make me smile. 
Then there are days like today. Where I know my humanness can and sometimes does get in the way of being a good steward of Gods  unconditional love. I am incapable of separating off this human side of me. It does and will again get in the way of my ability to communicate effectively. It can make me look two-faced, or insincere. I am working hard at not allowing my humanness to harm my honour and my witness. I'm not sure I can stop that though. After all I AM human. I do fail. I do screw up, I do have human feelings and thoughts, and emotions. All of which often work against what this spirit of God in me wants to accomplish.

But thanks be to God! He saw that we humans are all too human. God loves us so much that He chooses us anyway. Then He decided to send His only Son, Jesus, the Son of Man to stand in our place for all failing mankind. Jesus did the one thing we humans could not do given our humanness, that was to choose God. Then He took our punishment upon Himself and died, only to rise again from the dead. His work nearly complete.

God chose us, and Jesus, on our behalf chose God. Everything has been done for us. Being picked first, and then choosing God. All of the work done. Death and punishment also fulfilled! The only thing we have to do is accept that it was all done for us and walk into the blessing that God has waiting for us. That blessing is (but not limited to) walking in freedom, in peace, in joy, and in contentment. We didn't have to, nor does He expect us to do anything else to acquire, be worthy of, or have His love. We have it already, we had it from the start. 
Now that this truth has been passed on to you it is up to you what you do with it. You are free to make the call upon His name. He will come to you regardless of how desperate you are. He's been waiting for you already, no questions asked. 

       Thank God my humanness is not a hinderance to Him. 

By Request

For every action there is a reaction. For every cause, an effect. For every thing there is also a counter, or an opposite. 

This is taught on Sesame Street as well as in Public schools from Daycare right through to High School. We learn the opposite of up is down and in is out. We learn that Math has opposites, Science has opposites, even politics have opposites, and counters to the opposition. Music and art have primary and secondary and opposites to the primary’s and secondaries! There is no shortage of opposites for as the saying goes, “Opposites attract”! 

If you have ever read of heard anything about the Bible than you would have probably heard that there is also a Christ and an opposite to Christ, the Anti-christ. Christ’s exact opposite. Both are mentioned often in the books of Daniel and Isaiah, but mostly Revelation. Where Christ leads by example, truth, love, kindness, gentleness, grace and mercy the Anti-christ will dominate by fear, heavy handedness, lies and deceit. He will promise one thing but give you another. This is as simplistic an explanation as this non-theologian can come up with now. If it behooves you, please study these books. They are rather interesting, intense and as it is with Revelation, the only book of the Bible that comes with a promise of blessing for those who just read it. Not understanding it, just reading it brings blessing. I digress...

I am by no means a student of phycology, a theologian, or anything else that matters to people of status in society. I am on the other hand a person who watches, listens and deeply cares for and about others. Some people, for some reason, God allows me the privilege of getting to know. Sometimes it is to learn and grow from them. Other times it is to be a blessing to them in some way. This is why this topic I am attempting to broach is before me now. 

So, with my little explanation of opposites in the back of your mind I’m going to just jump right in because I don’t know how else to start this topic. I’ve danced around it now far too long and attempted to write several times all with the result of deleting anything typed.

As every “Christian” knows there are sins in life to be avoided. Promiscuous behavior, alcohol, smoking, cursing, gambling, drugs of any kind and gluttony. When all is said and done, it is anything that takes the place of God in your life that is really the sin. Anything that would consume your resources of time, thoughts, money, respect, and reverence. A lot of things can and do fit in that category, for christians and non-christians alike. I have recently begun to question some of the “do nots” I learned as a new believer over 20 years ago. Like “do not drink” and the more subtle secondary rules that I somehow learned by fear, “do not associate with drinkers, or those who do drugs”.

I’m not sure what was more scary. The idea that they might harm me due to their addictions, or somehow trick me into also becoming addicted! It’s all very silly now when I think about it because Jesus regularly hung out with “sinners”. It was for them He came for to release from their addictions, their sufferings, their heart aches, and their sicknesses. It is very sad that now a large portion of christians cut themselves off from those who need the truth the most...another bunny trail for another blog.

My new found freedom in questioning what I once learned has lead me to someone who smokes weed (See blog “A God Set Up”). I ask a lot of questions he found out. Not because I am enticed by the effects of it, but because I am interested in just learning another point of view. If I learned one thing well in the last few years, it is that there is some truth in everything. I like to seek it out and point it out to others. To bring perspective and clarity.

My seeking and asking has just lead me to more seeking and reading and watching. I have now been introduced to The Joe Rogan Experience and his two hour interview with Graham Hancock who talked about many interesting topics but also DMT, weed and Ayahuasca. I have now searched out and read about Ayahuasca on the internet. I have even watched the movie Growing Op. No, I have not tried weed, nor do I ever plan on it but I have come to an understanding of it. And that is what all this is about. 

The thing that struck me the most was Graham Hancock's explanation of the hallucinogenic drink Ayahuasca used in the Amazon. He continued to refer to it as if it had a personality. He said it is possible to ‘ask her for something’. He described that partaking of Ayahuasca should be done as a spiritual experience and “it is nearly always said that people experience profound positive changes in their life subsequent to consuming ayahuasca”. “People who have consumed ayahuasca report having deep insight as how to be the best person they possibly can. This is viewed by many as a spiritual awakening and what's often described as a rebirth.” - Wikipedia 

I had been wondering about all this for days. I knew I would never consume it but there was nothing in its description that sent up red flags as to why I shouldn’t either. Then suddenly it hit me. The way it was describe by Mr. Hancock as a person I realized that it was a counter to Holy Spirit! If there is something that can take the place of God in our lives, and there will be an Anti-christ in the end days then of course there has to also be a counter for Holy Spirit. I actually did discuss this revelation with a local phycologist and he agreed that I was right on with my deduction. It is not so much an escape to partake in these kinds of things, all though it can be. It is rather a desire for more. A desire to find and touch something bigger than ourselves. A desire to overcome the parts of us we hate and become a better person.

Holy Spirit is described as the third person in the trinity of the Godhead. An entity with his own personality and function. “He” is the one who shows us the wrongs in our lives and directs us to be better people. It is in the accepting of Jesus as the Son of God and the subsequent indwelling of Holy Spirit in us when we do believe that is called being “born again”. It is this experience that brings meaning to many peoples lives. An inner joy, peace and contentment, even the feeling of being loved are all ways people have described the rebirth experience. This experience is life time lasting. Even in all that I have been through and described in this blog, or even complained about and questioned, underlying it all is still a hope that keeps me from complete desperation and hopelessness. 

Of course as I understand more I desire more. When I was a new christian the newness in itself was enough. 20+ years later and I desire deeper relationship with God and His people and world. I do desire the overwhelming experience of His joy and love for me. It’s possible for Him to give us those experiences.  There are a few I have experienced I have not yet shared in this forum. Perhaps I will. There is tell of amazing displays of Gods goodness and love in the lives of Mystics. One book to read about that topic would be John Crowders book, The New Mystics. http://www.amazon.com/Miracle-Workers-Reformers-New-Mystics/dp/0768423503

What have you experienced of God? Weather it be upon your first accepting Him as your God or since then? Do not think any experience is small or insignificant! God is a good God and will show up and most likely has shown up in your life and made Himself known to you. Share with the rest of us to encourage us and to encourage yourself.

I would love to hear about what you have experienced of God.