God Encounter

I love God encounters. Unfortunately I have found they don’t come often, or last long. My experience has been one of frustration regarding this area. I use to have God encounters often a few years ago. Back before our church kind of fell apart. I still miss those days. Those were the days when I had people of faith loving me for who I was and what I was becoming as if they were one and the same. I felt loved and validated, so I was able to feel that love from God too. It was easy then to just be in His presence and experience Him. 

My experiences of feeling His presence included whole body trembling. It was not so visible from the outside, but internally I felt like I was on continual Vibrate. Once it lasted three whole days, until I literally couldn't take it anymore and asked God to stop. It still happened from time to time after that, just not as long as that time. But it also happened fewer and farther between until I just never seemed to sense His physical manifestations anymore. 

The last one I can recall I wrote about here in this blog. I had gone for a random roaming in the car with my friend. She controlled the playlist and I drove. By the time we got back to the city I was drunk in the spirit and not driving safely anymore. When we arrived at her place I literally crawled into her kitchen and laid laughing on the floor. I couldn't go anywhere. I was enjoying every second of the spiritual drunkenness. It was a first time for me, and never having been drunk on alcohol before this was truly a first. It ended abruptly when I was told to quiet down…my first spiritual drunk was squelched by someone I thought would understand and would have grace to let me enjoy it. I left feeling deflated by her instead of built up and encouraged by His encounter. That was three years ago perhaps….and the last physical manifestation of God I have experienced, until last weekend.

Fast forward to Valentines Weekend 2015. My husband and I were away for the weekend out of town at a lovely hotel. Snowed in on Sunday we literally just hung out resting most of the day. Sometime before dinner I turned on my computer to WorshipMob on Youtube and watched their version of Say Something. It is a song that will stop you in your tracks and arrest your heart. It is powerful! It is also very beautifully sung. Such emotion in the voices. I let the music and the words penetrate me. I felt them. I associated with them. And I worshiped Him. 

After listening to that song at least three times I moved on to a few of their other covers, Oceans was one. Another powerful song when you listen to the words. And I felt them deeply. Then I became aware that I was twitching and shaking. A physical manifestation of Gods presence, finally! This was not a self induced reaction, but it was a familiar reaction for me. The feeling caused me to wiggle, or twitch. My body was reacting like I was being gently kicked in the stomach and I was reacting in slow motion. I couldn't stop it if I wanted. I can't make myself do it, not the same anyway. And when Gods presence rests on you it is not something you want to go away, or try to reproduce on your own. It’s often different for each person how He responds to you and in you. That’s the best I can do to describe it. It's wonderful and intimate. 

I had SUCH revelation while I worshiped and enjoyed His weight on me. I wrote a friend later trying to described it, but I just couldn’t do it justice in such a short description.

Specifically when I was listening to Oceans (originally by Hillsong United) I was most moved by these lyrics….

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Saviour

These words just brought me to a realization that I, having sung them many times before, fully asking God with all my heart to do exactly this. To take me to new places, where I have no preconceived ideas of what to expect. To take me in places I would never think to wander myself....and here I am, doing just that!

My revelation was not done!

Here is what I wrote (and I’ll probably add for clarification) to my friend later that night.

“A surprising evening connecting with God tonight with some really meaningful worship music.

I did not feel condemned, which I suspected I would seeing as I’ve pulled myself away from most church related activities. I did not feel wrong, sinful, judged or anything negative at all. Quiet the opposite in fact! I felt the lack of resistance because of the music and therefore more open to Him. And more moved by Holy Spirit. I actually had a physical manifestation of His presence. A gentle shaking that came and went. I’ve had that same reaction to Him before. I felt like I was being affirmed that I was on exactly the right path for my life. Heading the right way. It’s not the path or direction any regular church goer would ever understand. In fact all of them would probably assume I am further from God than I ever have been before.

Most similar image to what I saw in my vision.

No! This is a mountain top experience! This is revelation! I am at a new vantage point in which I can see others the same way Jesus see us. He does not look at us with lenses or filters at all, except the filter of His shed blood, the lens or His Fathers love. I too can now see others from above, from His vantage point, and without the lenses dictated by society, or denomination, or even culture. I can see humanity in its purity. without spot or wrinkly. And we are perfect!”

I haven't been able to force myself to sit and worship for a long time. This evening it just came naturally. With no effort at all. Feeling His presence physically also came without me trying. Before it was usually something I strived for, to earn or to stretch for, hoping that if I was just maybe good enough in the last week, or honest hearted enough maybe I would sense Him in some way. For the first time it happened without the ache of trying, or striving, or the mental anguish of, “I’m not worthy”. For the first time it just came because I had stopped trying. I stopped resisting. The negative speak in my head had stopped weeks ago, so nothing was telling me I couldn't do it…but instead I was lost in the moment and just was…and then He showed up!