Well "people" have had ahold of Christianity for too long and made all kinds of stupid decisions, and rules. In fact, I have come to believe much of what we see, either in the news of Right Winged Evangelicals, or right in your local neighbourhood church is more man made rules and traditions than what the Creator of the Universe actually intended for us. Here's one example.
(Please, keep in mind as you read, I was one of these judgmental christians that I describe. This comes out of the process of relearning to think for myself, I am exploring who I was and who I want to be now. I do not write this to condemn anyone, but hopefully to show that love must always win.)
Sex before marriage. Hot topic right? In theory most christians who have been in any one church long enough will eventually come to hear, if not fully believe that sex before marriage is wrong, and well, down right sinful! Though nowhere in the Bible does it actually say the words 'sex before marriage is sinful' it does address the issues of adultery and sexual immorality as condemnable. The closest thing then to condemning sex before marriage comes from Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:2 (AMP), where he says, "But because of the temptation to impurity and to avoid immorality, let each [man] have his own wife and let each [woman] have her own husband." It's understandable how they came to this conclusion to some degree. Today we see culturally that what we tolerate today becomes the Norm just one generation later. It's just unfortunate that we end up getting told what to do, or not do based on fear instead of love. Back to my point...
As a result, on the whole, the 'church' says SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE IS SINFUL.
So, what do we do when someone in our youth group (everyone knows as least one, no?) or our own child (god forbid!) in absolute fear, reveals that she is pregnant?!? What do you do?
Well, I know what my reaction was when I heard at 17 that another girl in my youth group was pregnant and the christian father was not in the picture anymore. I felt sad. Sad that she was alone, sad that she was having a baby, sad for the baby. Not once did I feel excited that she was having a baby! I was taught the whole situation was sad. I wasn't close friends with her to begin with, so it never effected my relationship with her, but maybe this mindset I had learned prevented me from having a friendship with her later on. I was biased against her, for all the wrong reasons when what she really needed was love and support.
I also recall feeling sad for her parents and family. I was young, but knew her pregnancy meant her whole family was now judged harshly by the church at large. 'That poor family'. Obviously this daughter had a rebel spirit. They were such a good upstanding family in the church, until then...I never saw much of her after the rumour of her pregnancy spread through the church. It's no wonder really.
So let me dissect this a bit.
If a girl (I'm not picking on girls...if you're looking for a feminist fight go somewhere else...I'm just trying to explain my point of view here without the need for politically correct explanations)...
If a girl admits she's pregnant, as a church we condemn her because she had sex outside of marriage. She's labeled as sinful. So what do we do with the baby? Abortion is out of the question for a born again christian, because we very strongly believe abortion is murder and therefore also sin. That doesn't stop the girl, the guy involved, or any of the soon to be grandparents from entertaining the idea as 'easier' though, really, if we are honest. It enters the mind weather you want it to or not.
Do we force the girl to give it up for adoption and to hide a beautiful gift of life in order to hid her sin? Sadly sometimes that happened(s). Probably more than I realize. Do we force the girl and boy (man and woman) to get married so that the pregnancy outside of marriage is only you know, sort of sinful? What if that's really the wrong thing for these two people and causes way more problems for them in the long run? Cuz, being a divorced mother is just as bad in the church culture as being a single mom, never married (so I hear from a divorced mother of 4).
It's like "we" as a church culture are trying to figure out which is the least sinful way of "dealing" with an obvious sin. But really, all that is accomplished is that this fictitious girl I've mentioned now feels horrid, rejected, sad and perhaps even angry. Those are NOT the feelings we want a young lady to feel when she has a precious life all curled up inside her, closer to her heart and emotions than anyone else ever could be. With unloving responses to a life situation that should bring joy instead we condemn, reject and judge harshly. This damages all parties involved on a deep level. It binds up and puts all involved in fear.
Yet, if she had only waited to get pregnant AFTER she was married everything that is sad about the situation would be celebrated and rejoiced, shouted from the rooftops, posted on Facebook, and Instagram, or even Periscoped. WHY!!??
It is a thin veil indeed between the two. Which is why I personally have decided I no longer want to react with sadness to the joyous news that someone I know is expecting a baby. Married or not, young or old, financially "set" or barely making it. Those things should not be a factor. Instead, and again regardless of their life situation, I should rejoice with them, and if I'm in their life in any important kind of way, see what I can do to help them.
Cuz, I've had four babies....and no one knows better than I just how much help, encouragement, love, and a good friendship one could use while raising a family. Whether that love comes once, for a short time, or for a long time, it is always needed.
For me, it's time to choose love over man made rules.
What response do you choose?
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