Counting My Blessings

So. I’m finding it’s time to count my blessings and take stock of what is so that I have an idea of where I’m going. Do I have goals and what are they? Can I achieve them if I have any? If I don’t maybe it’s time to set some. 

It is time to confront my fears and insecurities to see if God really did dis-own me, or if I’ve just been blinded by circumstances. Did I put up a measuring stick to God that He can’t measure up to? Is it possible to expect too much, or too little of God? 

Can I change who I have become without going back to the old measuring sticks I use to measure life by, myself by, and God by? 

This just might be more than one post...We’ll see once I get going.

Counting my Blessings:  

I have a wonderful family. A husband who loves and adores me. Married 21 years this June. He loves and cherishes our children. We have four amazing kids. All very talented in many divers ways and areas. None the same, but all great. They know how to have fun but are still respectful of each other. They are good kids. Honest, considerate, loving, and faithful.

I had a great and easy childhood at home. Not perfect of course. But drama was not part of our lives. My folks worked, we ate regular meals, had curfews, and chore days. We saw our Grandparents regularly; Aunts, Uncles and Cousins a few times a year. Lived in the same house all my growing up years too. My Dad still lives there. I felt secure, protected, and cared for. (Why don’t I remember that feeling?)

Today we live in a great neighbourhood, a nice house with enough bedrooms, though if I had my way I’d have a couple more bedrooms to house some 20-something friends for cheap. We have always managed to pay our bills eventually, even without full time jobs. We have never missed a mortgage payment. We eat good food, and are never hungry or in want for food or clean water. We may not have the latest thing, or the most stylish clothes but we are well clothed, all six of us. 

Physically we are all doing rather well now. Hubby’s last heart surgery was well over 2 years ago. Our doctors have been keeping him busy with regular tests and check-ups so that we always know if something arises. The kids have not broken any bones in a few years. All four kids having Osteogenesis Imperfecta (or Brittle Bones) has made life very busy at times but there have been no fractures in at least 3 years. YAY!!! 

Our third child was found just over a year ago to have a hole in her heart. It is now fixed and she will have no issue for the rest of her life. If the hole had not been found if would have shortened her life to about 30+ years old. Now she has the opportunity to live a long full life without possible complications from heart/lung issues. 

Me? We’ll I’ve always been the non-issue person in the family. Rarely sick from even colds or flus, taking care of everyone. That was until 2 years ago. But now, my heels are no longer painful. My knees are still sore, but better. Enough so that I can now walk 40 minutes. I’m still having issues but they are so much better. And, I’m on the way to better health. I’ve decided to take care of myself (huge deal for me). I have joined a local gym and have been visiting there 3 to 4 times a week. 

We live in an amazing country. Canada is big, open, full of opportunities and clean. Our water is clean, our air is clean and our streets are clean (for the most part). We have “free” healthcare. Our infrastructure is great across the country, and our economy is fairly stable compared to much of the world.

Tis true! I am very blessed. When going through the daily problems we all as humans have I will remember that God has blessed me with much. 

What has God blessed you with? 

(Yup, this is a few blogs long. I'll keep posting)

A Comparison!

How much do we as a society compare ourselves to others? 


This was the general topic tonight at House Group, although it didn't come out as a question like that...
But really how much? Is North America more prone to compare their life styles, their hair styles, their clothes style or their parenting style to another North American? More so then say the British? The Asians? Or the Muslims? Is one culture, or religion, or geographical region more likely to live life based on how they think they measure up to another from that same group?
Or is it only Christians who live that way? Constantly comparing if they measure up to the cultural or societal class they live in. Or the person one pew closer to the alter?
Is it purely the fault of media that we compare ourselves to others...?
Then why do we also compare ourselves to ourselves? 
This evening I mentioned how I just still have not "risen" out of the last low place I was in. The last valley my life's path took me though. I just could not put my finger on why that was. Usually I go into a deep valley but always come out soaring, just as high as I had been low. But not this time. This time I truly thought deep down, further then I would have allowed venture out to say face to face to anyone....I thought I was really broken this time. Never to return to my capable self. That self who was full of faith, and hope, and positive words of encouragement to myself and others. Full of optimism, and fight.
That is not me anymore, or at least not right now. 

A light bulb went on tonight.Only because someone else brought it up. I have been comparing my current self to who I was before. I measured myself and found myself to be less then what I had been. By my own estimation I didn't just not measure up, I didn't measure up to myself! How crazy does that sound now that it is out in type?!
I had decided that God surely couldn't love me at all. Not because I was bad or sinful, but because if I didn't measure up before, when I thought I was doing as much right as I could humanly do then I really didn't measure up and qualify for His love now when I don't feel like I'm even as capable as I was then!
Is any of this making sense? It sounds like rubbish as I type. Probably because when a lie believed is finally exposed for what it really is, it is rubbish and the stink is noticeable.


I was able to tell myself tonight that God loves me, just as much now as He did then. It's been a hard thing to grasp, His love. I was reminded tonight of a favourite quote spoken to me by a dear friend. It is the single most moving, and loving thing anyone has ever said to me. It pierced me, flooded me, and sank deep into me when these words rolled from his tongue.  I have it on my Facebook profile page even.


"I want you to know that if you never did another thing, helped or contributed ever again to the community it would not make us love you any less. That you don’t have to work any more to have our love. You never had to do a thing, you have it already, and you had it from the start". 


The most moving words ever! No comparison to someone else, or even my previous actions. No expectations to keep doing or being, or improving! No wonder it is easy to love the people who said these words! It is as easy as breathing! 
For days, even weeks afterwards I thought on these words. I rolled them around in my mind and heart. I cherished them. I made them mine. It is because of these words and the truth behind them that I was able to see difficulties that came up in our relationships from time to time for what they were, out of love and not malice. These words... a total of 59 words created in me a deeper love for the people who said them then I ever expected to experience. So deep that at times it scares me.
Is this not the kind of love I should be feeling for God?  It is what I have wanted from God, to know that He loves me that way too. I didn't know He did. Not until tonight, when I heard similar words spoken again. 


'God can not love you anymore then He does right now. There is nothing you can do to make Him love you any more,  nor make Him love you any less.'


It's time to meditate on these words now. To make His love mine so that a deep love for Him is build and formed under me. That way when valleys come or storms roll in I will see them for what they really are, tools of love to smooth and mould me into who God already sees me as. Not what I have always seen them as up till now, as abandonment. 
Was there a lightness that came with these words? Yes, gently. As if to not cause a shaking from a sudden release. It is a gentle subtle shift that I feel slowly descending into the depths. Little bits are letting go. I not longer have to feel condemned because I'm not the same person I was. I no longer have to think I'm unworthy of even punishment. No, now I can start to see His love instead. Eventually it will permeate everything in my life and just like my friends I will not be moved from His love either.


He just loves me!