By Request

For every action there is a reaction. For every cause, an effect. For every thing there is also a counter, or an opposite. 

This is taught on Sesame Street as well as in Public schools from Daycare right through to High School. We learn the opposite of up is down and in is out. We learn that Math has opposites, Science has opposites, even politics have opposites, and counters to the opposition. Music and art have primary and secondary and opposites to the primary’s and secondaries! There is no shortage of opposites for as the saying goes, “Opposites attract”! 

If you have ever read of heard anything about the Bible than you would have probably heard that there is also a Christ and an opposite to Christ, the Anti-christ. Christ’s exact opposite. Both are mentioned often in the books of Daniel and Isaiah, but mostly Revelation. Where Christ leads by example, truth, love, kindness, gentleness, grace and mercy the Anti-christ will dominate by fear, heavy handedness, lies and deceit. He will promise one thing but give you another. This is as simplistic an explanation as this non-theologian can come up with now. If it behooves you, please study these books. They are rather interesting, intense and as it is with Revelation, the only book of the Bible that comes with a promise of blessing for those who just read it. Not understanding it, just reading it brings blessing. I digress...

I am by no means a student of phycology, a theologian, or anything else that matters to people of status in society. I am on the other hand a person who watches, listens and deeply cares for and about others. Some people, for some reason, God allows me the privilege of getting to know. Sometimes it is to learn and grow from them. Other times it is to be a blessing to them in some way. This is why this topic I am attempting to broach is before me now. 

So, with my little explanation of opposites in the back of your mind I’m going to just jump right in because I don’t know how else to start this topic. I’ve danced around it now far too long and attempted to write several times all with the result of deleting anything typed.

As every “Christian” knows there are sins in life to be avoided. Promiscuous behavior, alcohol, smoking, cursing, gambling, drugs of any kind and gluttony. When all is said and done, it is anything that takes the place of God in your life that is really the sin. Anything that would consume your resources of time, thoughts, money, respect, and reverence. A lot of things can and do fit in that category, for christians and non-christians alike. I have recently begun to question some of the “do nots” I learned as a new believer over 20 years ago. Like “do not drink” and the more subtle secondary rules that I somehow learned by fear, “do not associate with drinkers, or those who do drugs”.

I’m not sure what was more scary. The idea that they might harm me due to their addictions, or somehow trick me into also becoming addicted! It’s all very silly now when I think about it because Jesus regularly hung out with “sinners”. It was for them He came for to release from their addictions, their sufferings, their heart aches, and their sicknesses. It is very sad that now a large portion of christians cut themselves off from those who need the truth the most...another bunny trail for another blog.

My new found freedom in questioning what I once learned has lead me to someone who smokes weed (See blog “A God Set Up”). I ask a lot of questions he found out. Not because I am enticed by the effects of it, but because I am interested in just learning another point of view. If I learned one thing well in the last few years, it is that there is some truth in everything. I like to seek it out and point it out to others. To bring perspective and clarity.

My seeking and asking has just lead me to more seeking and reading and watching. I have now been introduced to The Joe Rogan Experience and his two hour interview with Graham Hancock who talked about many interesting topics but also DMT, weed and Ayahuasca. I have now searched out and read about Ayahuasca on the internet. I have even watched the movie Growing Op. No, I have not tried weed, nor do I ever plan on it but I have come to an understanding of it. And that is what all this is about. 

The thing that struck me the most was Graham Hancock's explanation of the hallucinogenic drink Ayahuasca used in the Amazon. He continued to refer to it as if it had a personality. He said it is possible to ‘ask her for something’. He described that partaking of Ayahuasca should be done as a spiritual experience and “it is nearly always said that people experience profound positive changes in their life subsequent to consuming ayahuasca”. “People who have consumed ayahuasca report having deep insight as how to be the best person they possibly can. This is viewed by many as a spiritual awakening and what's often described as a rebirth.” - Wikipedia 

I had been wondering about all this for days. I knew I would never consume it but there was nothing in its description that sent up red flags as to why I shouldn’t either. Then suddenly it hit me. The way it was describe by Mr. Hancock as a person I realized that it was a counter to Holy Spirit! If there is something that can take the place of God in our lives, and there will be an Anti-christ in the end days then of course there has to also be a counter for Holy Spirit. I actually did discuss this revelation with a local phycologist and he agreed that I was right on with my deduction. It is not so much an escape to partake in these kinds of things, all though it can be. It is rather a desire for more. A desire to find and touch something bigger than ourselves. A desire to overcome the parts of us we hate and become a better person.

Holy Spirit is described as the third person in the trinity of the Godhead. An entity with his own personality and function. “He” is the one who shows us the wrongs in our lives and directs us to be better people. It is in the accepting of Jesus as the Son of God and the subsequent indwelling of Holy Spirit in us when we do believe that is called being “born again”. It is this experience that brings meaning to many peoples lives. An inner joy, peace and contentment, even the feeling of being loved are all ways people have described the rebirth experience. This experience is life time lasting. Even in all that I have been through and described in this blog, or even complained about and questioned, underlying it all is still a hope that keeps me from complete desperation and hopelessness. 

Of course as I understand more I desire more. When I was a new christian the newness in itself was enough. 20+ years later and I desire deeper relationship with God and His people and world. I do desire the overwhelming experience of His joy and love for me. It’s possible for Him to give us those experiences.  There are a few I have experienced I have not yet shared in this forum. Perhaps I will. There is tell of amazing displays of Gods goodness and love in the lives of Mystics. One book to read about that topic would be John Crowders book, The New Mystics. http://www.amazon.com/Miracle-Workers-Reformers-New-Mystics/dp/0768423503

What have you experienced of God? Weather it be upon your first accepting Him as your God or since then? Do not think any experience is small or insignificant! God is a good God and will show up and most likely has shown up in your life and made Himself known to you. Share with the rest of us to encourage us and to encourage yourself.

I would love to hear about what you have experienced of God.

Poem: A Love Like Jonathan

A Love Like Jonathan

by Jennifer Mersereau

Divine encounter

Words exchanged

Heart no longer seeking

Instant bond

Spirits Entwined 

Love at first meeting

Covenant Love

Loyalty unquestioned

I’d chose you over blood relations

Every time

I wrote this little poem about the deep Godly love between David and Jonathan. It is a love that transcends gender, social status and blood relation. If we are alert enough we too can find such a love. It may or may not be with your spouse. It may last a life time or be a one time meeting.

I have been blessed enough to have encountered my Jonathan love but struggled with the deep feelings for some time. Not knowing how to categorize the relationship and depth of feelings caused an uncomfortableness internally for a few years. Then suddenly with one sentence someone else said it brought clarity and confirmation that it was not wrong but Godly and a gift. One I chose to embrace and cherish as long as I blessed with it.

Forgetting my Place.

Dear Friend;

Have you ever regretted what came out of your mouth the second it hit the air? 

Have you ever felt like you just got used by an enemy or unseen force that made you do what you would never purposely do in a million years?

I had that very experience happen to me this week, and I'm not very happy about it at all!

In fact I cried (not a thing that comes easy to me) often for the next 24 hours and had trouble sleeping two nights because of it.  I am just so mad at myself for stupidly getting angry when I had no right to be. Mad for hurting you when there was no reason for it.

I am pretty sure I have figured out why I got angry in the first place. So please, let me explain and apologize.

My friend, you are so very dear to me, and though our ages are not even close, we have spent much time together over the last two years. Many times we have gone out for coffee, or you would come to my home and just hang out with my family. I have even written about you before. That time we had spent an amazing night together driving, getting lost and worshipping (See An Unexpected Night). Most of the time I am in awe of you. You are a strong women who has an amazing relationship with God. Plus you sing and play instruments beautifully (I may be a bit jealous, yes). Sometimes I have even wondered why you choose to spend time with me when you have so many other friends your own age.

That is where I began to go wrong. I had forgotten my place in your life. Not thinking you are better than I or visa versa. I understand that in the Kingdom of God we are ALL co-labourers for the Kingdom and co-heirs with Christ. We are a team, each with different gifts and abilities to use for Gods glory. But like a team, there are different jobs that we fit into. Those jobs sometimes overlap, intermingle, or run along side each other without actually connecting.

For instance, since I work at Tim Hortons I will use an example from there. Our team of 12 staff during the day time rush works best when we are all on task at our jobs. Each person is assigned to a specific job in the morning. But, during the day it is often required that some of us help in another capacity in order for our purpose of serving our customers in a fast and friendly way to be fulfilled well. That means when I’m on counter serving customers that sometimes it is best for me to go help the staff on Sandwich Unit by bringing them the bagels they need to fill my customers order, or letting the baker know they need more of a certain item they are running low on. Sometimes it's easier and quicker for the gals on the Unit to bring the finished sandwich to my customer so I can assist the next customer in line. It's team work.

What would not work is if one of the team working in the Sandwich Unit got more concerned with what I get to do, interacting with the great customers! If that team member kept leaving her post and coming to the counter to interact with the customers we would not have any sandwiches to serve. Likewise, in the Kingdom we have different posts we must keep. To forget your place and step into a place that is not your “assigned task” (this is more a sketch than a hard fast legalistic thing) it can cause a disruption in the functioning of the Body of Christ.

THAT is what happened to me. I was wanting to walk the same journey as you my friend, instead of assisting you in your own journey. I forgot my place, and because I did I caused you and myself pain. I remember that I knew before where my place was in your life. Then I started feeling jealous (sounds so harsh a word) that I didn’t get to experience some of the fun things you did with other friends. I wanted those experiences. I sort of wanted to re-live my 20’s with you. Something I had wasted of my own because of fear. I wanted you as a best friend. Again, something I didn’t really have growing up. I stepped out of my place, just a little at first. I didn’t even notice I did it. What it led to was me actually being jealous when you were not with me. Sad. It sounds so sad and pathetic.

As you experienced, my full downfall occurred this week when I actually told you off. I was hurt that you were shutting my attempt of stepping into another role down. That hurt turned quickly to anger.

My place, which I was in, and hope to be in again is to be a safe place for you. To be the person you can just come and be with. The listening ear, without fear of motherly advice speeches. The shoulder to lean on when you feel worn out, beaten up or overwhelmed by life or circumstances. I’m to be the calm within the whirlwind of your life. I’m to be the one who goes shopping with you when you can’t stand the idea of crowds. Mine is a safe family you can rest in where there is no drama. I’m suppose to be the one who rejoices with you at all the little accomplishments, because I know just how big those little accomplishments are. It is who God made me to be. Not just for you, but I have so loved being that for you. 

Both parties win when both parties honor each other and operate in their given giftings.

As I’ve heard said...there is no “I” in Team, or “me” for that matter. Working together for the good of others is when the Body of Christ functions well together. That brings Him glory.

I love you my friend, and I’m so very sorry. Please forgive me.

Jenn

A God Set Up

Yerba Mate

I saw weed for the first time yesterday. It looks like Yerba Mate, or alfalfa powder. I was taken aback by the freedom at which it was pulled out and shown to me. More so because I didn't want anyone else to see. It is after all an illegal substance in Canada still. How did I, a 40-something "Christian" Mom come to a place in her life where I would be shown weed? That's a very good question. One that I would have very judgementally assumed an answer to back ten years ago. Instead the answer is so simple it may be shocking to the legalistic mindset, which I used to have.

It's called love and grace. Mountains and oceans of it; and ten years ago I would never have been able to give that answer. Mostly because I had never really understood what those were by experience until only a few years ago.   

I lived a life of faith, fuelled more by fear than by love. I was the one who believed with everything in me that God was good, so long as I did all the right things. If it was preached from the front of a church with passion and conviction then I would attempt to live it. I sang loud and danced in the aisles. I managed my money with the hopes that if I was a good steward of what we had than more would come our way. I was more interested in what God would do for me or give me for my obedience or passion then I was interested in who He was, or what He had already done for me. I thought that if I prayed consistently for my family then they would be protected. This was reinforced when I forgot to pray for five days in a row and one of our children broke a leg. I was devastated. I ended up feeling more ignored or forgotten by God than loved and blessed because my limited understanding of love was wrong. But at the time I didn't know that. Living this legalistic way brought more pain and hurt than joy and blessing. I see now that the blessings did come, in spite of myself. 

I am a different person now then I was back then. Since that time I have been loved. Truly loved by people who have an amazing understanding of how good God's love is and how encompassing His grace is to those who dare to accept it. I was loved in spite of my crazy, my obsessions, my depression, my fears, my hurts, my lashing out in hurt, my anger, and my stubbornness. I was horrible at relationship because I didn't feel loved or worthy of love. My problems were too big for others to handle and I had nothing of value to offer anyone.  

For a while I lived in the shadows of the former me. My emotional walls, not as high and thick as they once were, still up. I felt like everything was too good to be true. I had stopped reading the Bible. I no longer prayed as often. I didn't write out my prayers like I had once done and I couldn't even sing some of the worship songs with feeling or conviction. I felt like I was in a no mans land waiting for the bottom to drop out. I didn't know how else to live out the middle ground of what I once was and what i now was experiencing. Instead I just shut down.

Now I am so thankful that those walls were loved into pieces! The more freedom I live in the more freedom I learn is available to me. I have found out that I am a treasure hunter. I have the privilege of hunting for and digging out the truth in others. I have the freedom to walk without fear of judgment from others. Conversing with the Poem Guy downtown at the market, finding out what makes him tick. Asking him his name. I head straight for him now when I see him instead of avoiding him like I used to do. He is loved and has value. Just like all of us. Just like the guy who showed me his peanut butter jar half full of weed. He is worthy of being loved. He is worth getting to know. He has gifts and abilities that are essential to others around him. He has value and purpose that goes beyond what he does for a living. I'm hoping that I can pass on a little of that revelation to him just like it was passed on to me. The feeling of freedom that comes with it is so wonderful!