We are all the same.

One day I had someone tell me I was just like everyone else.
It stung.
Not because they were being harsh, or putting me down, but because they were right.
I am just like everyone else. I was noticing this on my own before being told, and that's why the statement stung for so long.

Once, a long time ago I would have never admitted it publicly but I thought of myself as better then some. You know the ones. The ones whose sin or misguided judgement was obvious and in your face. As obvious as blatant sexual perversities,  lewdness, or drunkenness. Even, dare I say, as innocent as bad hygiene or dental habits! Of course I was better then they were, I thought. I had it together. I was clean, tidy, had all my teeth, and they were straight. I was polite and impure thoughts just didn't enter my mind. I was never lewd, rude or out of control. By human standards I was a "good" person.
What a fool I was!
All those things are surface stuff. Just extensions or outward signs of what is in the heart. But I had stuff, and still do, that I was unwilling to admit then. Stuff I'd be hard pressed to admit openly now except to say that I am not perfect and I know it.

What lead me, and leads most of us to assume some are better then others? It is the humanness in us that judges based on degrees of good or bad. The human assumption that murder is worse then rape. But murder and rape are WAY worse then gossip. Yet all are deemed as sin according to the Old Testament. All sin is equal to God. All sin hides us from His sight. Creates a barrier between He and we, and between each other. It stops the flow of His love, and can even create hate within us. Hate in our hearts towards another is just as bad as murder according to The New Testament.
So if I judge another human as unworthy or less then me I am walking in sin just by the mere act of judging.
Romans 2: 16 says,  'God, by Jesus Christ will judge men in regard to the things which they conceal'. Yet we also read that He bore our sins upon Himself. He took the judgement for us,bearing the blame and the consequence of all our sins against Him and against each other. His judgement was to take our judgement and let us off scotch free! That is so amazing that no selfish, blame-finding human could have thought of it. Only a God of mercy would conceive such a crazy plan and pull it off.
So, where I thought I was better then others I was just the same.

Where I would hope to have shed some of my imperfect humanness I was only ignoring it and focusing on another's imperfect humanness. Degrees may be different, but the motive or cause is the same. The obviousness of my sin may be less visible to others because of my walls, but I was no less in the wrong.
We are ALL the same. Every one of us, in spite of our individualities and uniqueness.
But there is HOPE! If we are all the same in our wrongs, we are also all the same in our forgiveness! Each one of us is forgiven the same. No one can be excluded from the club. No one can excuse themselves from the removal of our sins. Not one of us can do a single thing to make God not forgive us, because it is done all ready! Not one of us can do anything to earn more forgiveness than another person. It is all equal. Christ's blood was spilt for all of us, not one excluded, not one more covered than another. We are all the same, all made equal in His sacrifice.
So, I might not always be able to be in control of my thoughts, emotions, or even my words. I am mighty thankful that should my limited human efforts to keep in check according to how I think I should act, or be that His grace and mercy are available to cover up my multitude of sins when I can't . He has done the same for you too already, without your permission. He didn't need your permission to forgive you. You just only need to accept this fact. It's the kind of thing that could change your life forever if you let it.
It's free, it's good, and its already yours, and mine!
Thank God, cuz there are some days I'm a mess!

TOO HUMAN?

I found today to be a hard day.

I felt inadequate, unprepared, and "too human" to be the kind of help I think I should be as a Bringer of Light. I suppose the point, that many Christians don't get, is that I am inadequate, I will never be always prepared, and I am forever "too human". That is why God sent Jesus.

Right off the bat today a lady at work came and asked me if I knew of anyone, or anywhere to go for her child who was very depressed. She was truly afraid for his life today. I suggested phycologists, some churches have free counselling, or emergency dept if it's really bad....Not much help at all. I prayed the rest of the morning between customers. For his safety, for peace, for Gods presence to be felt and keep him from harming himself, amoung other things. His Mom felt helpless I could see, I felt inadequate!
Thankfully God brought a new person into my coffee shop today. Turns out he is a pastor and I asked him the same question for my friend. He gave me the name and number of another pastor, whom I know. He does crisis counselling and works with a lot of youth. I am thankful that even though I was unprepared to provide the hope this woman, this desperate Mom needed, God heard both our cries for help and sent the right person in for me to meet. It's up to her now if she calls, but God provided what she asked for where I could not.

The other feeling of being "too human" is bigger than any one issue that came up today. It just follows me all the time. Some days I feel quite capable of loving others unconditionally. The joy that God is at work in the lives of others around me just can't help but make me smile. 
Then there are days like today. Where I know my humanness can and sometimes does get in the way of being a good steward of Gods  unconditional love. I am incapable of separating off this human side of me. It does and will again get in the way of my ability to communicate effectively. It can make me look two-faced, or insincere. I am working hard at not allowing my humanness to harm my honour and my witness. I'm not sure I can stop that though. After all I AM human. I do fail. I do screw up, I do have human feelings and thoughts, and emotions. All of which often work against what this spirit of God in me wants to accomplish.

But thanks be to God! He saw that we humans are all too human. God loves us so much that He chooses us anyway. Then He decided to send His only Son, Jesus, the Son of Man to stand in our place for all failing mankind. Jesus did the one thing we humans could not do given our humanness, that was to choose God. Then He took our punishment upon Himself and died, only to rise again from the dead. His work nearly complete.

God chose us, and Jesus, on our behalf chose God. Everything has been done for us. Being picked first, and then choosing God. All of the work done. Death and punishment also fulfilled! The only thing we have to do is accept that it was all done for us and walk into the blessing that God has waiting for us. That blessing is (but not limited to) walking in freedom, in peace, in joy, and in contentment. We didn't have to, nor does He expect us to do anything else to acquire, be worthy of, or have His love. We have it already, we had it from the start. 
Now that this truth has been passed on to you it is up to you what you do with it. You are free to make the call upon His name. He will come to you regardless of how desperate you are. He's been waiting for you already, no questions asked. 

       Thank God my humanness is not a hinderance to Him. 

Lost

Hello!
Don't mean to be ignoring you. A friend volun-told me to watch, then lent me his entire DVD collection of LOST. I am just in Season One still. Of course, it is consuming my time and my mind when I'm awake. That means no time to process thoughts for blogs.
I have considered a couple ideas I might eventually get to. Like the guy I met who seems so unassuming but made statements the other day about being a satanist....kind of came out of left field. But something in what he said has stuck with me and I want to follow that bunny trail eventually.
Another topic that I'd like to follow is a list of all the things I've wanted to do, but never will...like drive a race car, or hang glide, or attend a Comi-Con convention. Stuff like that. A bucket list is one thing, but this could be funny and even more telling of who I really am.
So, pardon my distraction for a while. I am still here, just a little lost in LOST.

By Request

For every action there is a reaction. For every cause, an effect. For every thing there is also a counter, or an opposite. 

This is taught on Sesame Street as well as in Public schools from Daycare right through to High School. We learn the opposite of up is down and in is out. We learn that Math has opposites, Science has opposites, even politics have opposites, and counters to the opposition. Music and art have primary and secondary and opposites to the primary’s and secondaries! There is no shortage of opposites for as the saying goes, “Opposites attract”! 

If you have ever read of heard anything about the Bible than you would have probably heard that there is also a Christ and an opposite to Christ, the Anti-christ. Christ’s exact opposite. Both are mentioned often in the books of Daniel and Isaiah, but mostly Revelation. Where Christ leads by example, truth, love, kindness, gentleness, grace and mercy the Anti-christ will dominate by fear, heavy handedness, lies and deceit. He will promise one thing but give you another. This is as simplistic an explanation as this non-theologian can come up with now. If it behooves you, please study these books. They are rather interesting, intense and as it is with Revelation, the only book of the Bible that comes with a promise of blessing for those who just read it. Not understanding it, just reading it brings blessing. I digress...

I am by no means a student of phycology, a theologian, or anything else that matters to people of status in society. I am on the other hand a person who watches, listens and deeply cares for and about others. Some people, for some reason, God allows me the privilege of getting to know. Sometimes it is to learn and grow from them. Other times it is to be a blessing to them in some way. This is why this topic I am attempting to broach is before me now. 

So, with my little explanation of opposites in the back of your mind I’m going to just jump right in because I don’t know how else to start this topic. I’ve danced around it now far too long and attempted to write several times all with the result of deleting anything typed.

As every “Christian” knows there are sins in life to be avoided. Promiscuous behavior, alcohol, smoking, cursing, gambling, drugs of any kind and gluttony. When all is said and done, it is anything that takes the place of God in your life that is really the sin. Anything that would consume your resources of time, thoughts, money, respect, and reverence. A lot of things can and do fit in that category, for christians and non-christians alike. I have recently begun to question some of the “do nots” I learned as a new believer over 20 years ago. Like “do not drink” and the more subtle secondary rules that I somehow learned by fear, “do not associate with drinkers, or those who do drugs”.

I’m not sure what was more scary. The idea that they might harm me due to their addictions, or somehow trick me into also becoming addicted! It’s all very silly now when I think about it because Jesus regularly hung out with “sinners”. It was for them He came for to release from their addictions, their sufferings, their heart aches, and their sicknesses. It is very sad that now a large portion of christians cut themselves off from those who need the truth the most...another bunny trail for another blog.

My new found freedom in questioning what I once learned has lead me to someone who smokes weed (See blog “A God Set Up”). I ask a lot of questions he found out. Not because I am enticed by the effects of it, but because I am interested in just learning another point of view. If I learned one thing well in the last few years, it is that there is some truth in everything. I like to seek it out and point it out to others. To bring perspective and clarity.

My seeking and asking has just lead me to more seeking and reading and watching. I have now been introduced to The Joe Rogan Experience and his two hour interview with Graham Hancock who talked about many interesting topics but also DMT, weed and Ayahuasca. I have now searched out and read about Ayahuasca on the internet. I have even watched the movie Growing Op. No, I have not tried weed, nor do I ever plan on it but I have come to an understanding of it. And that is what all this is about. 

The thing that struck me the most was Graham Hancock's explanation of the hallucinogenic drink Ayahuasca used in the Amazon. He continued to refer to it as if it had a personality. He said it is possible to ‘ask her for something’. He described that partaking of Ayahuasca should be done as a spiritual experience and “it is nearly always said that people experience profound positive changes in their life subsequent to consuming ayahuasca”. “People who have consumed ayahuasca report having deep insight as how to be the best person they possibly can. This is viewed by many as a spiritual awakening and what's often described as a rebirth.” - Wikipedia 

I had been wondering about all this for days. I knew I would never consume it but there was nothing in its description that sent up red flags as to why I shouldn’t either. Then suddenly it hit me. The way it was describe by Mr. Hancock as a person I realized that it was a counter to Holy Spirit! If there is something that can take the place of God in our lives, and there will be an Anti-christ in the end days then of course there has to also be a counter for Holy Spirit. I actually did discuss this revelation with a local phycologist and he agreed that I was right on with my deduction. It is not so much an escape to partake in these kinds of things, all though it can be. It is rather a desire for more. A desire to find and touch something bigger than ourselves. A desire to overcome the parts of us we hate and become a better person.

Holy Spirit is described as the third person in the trinity of the Godhead. An entity with his own personality and function. “He” is the one who shows us the wrongs in our lives and directs us to be better people. It is in the accepting of Jesus as the Son of God and the subsequent indwelling of Holy Spirit in us when we do believe that is called being “born again”. It is this experience that brings meaning to many peoples lives. An inner joy, peace and contentment, even the feeling of being loved are all ways people have described the rebirth experience. This experience is life time lasting. Even in all that I have been through and described in this blog, or even complained about and questioned, underlying it all is still a hope that keeps me from complete desperation and hopelessness. 

Of course as I understand more I desire more. When I was a new christian the newness in itself was enough. 20+ years later and I desire deeper relationship with God and His people and world. I do desire the overwhelming experience of His joy and love for me. It’s possible for Him to give us those experiences.  There are a few I have experienced I have not yet shared in this forum. Perhaps I will. There is tell of amazing displays of Gods goodness and love in the lives of Mystics. One book to read about that topic would be John Crowders book, The New Mystics. http://www.amazon.com/Miracle-Workers-Reformers-New-Mystics/dp/0768423503

What have you experienced of God? Weather it be upon your first accepting Him as your God or since then? Do not think any experience is small or insignificant! God is a good God and will show up and most likely has shown up in your life and made Himself known to you. Share with the rest of us to encourage us and to encourage yourself.

I would love to hear about what you have experienced of God.

Poem: A Love Like Jonathan

A Love Like Jonathan

by Jennifer Mersereau

Divine encounter

Words exchanged

Heart no longer seeking

Instant bond

Spirits Entwined 

Love at first meeting

Covenant Love

Loyalty unquestioned

I’d chose you over blood relations

Every time

I wrote this little poem about the deep Godly love between David and Jonathan. It is a love that transcends gender, social status and blood relation. If we are alert enough we too can find such a love. It may or may not be with your spouse. It may last a life time or be a one time meeting.

I have been blessed enough to have encountered my Jonathan love but struggled with the deep feelings for some time. Not knowing how to categorize the relationship and depth of feelings caused an uncomfortableness internally for a few years. Then suddenly with one sentence someone else said it brought clarity and confirmation that it was not wrong but Godly and a gift. One I chose to embrace and cherish as long as I blessed with it.

Forgetting my Place.

Dear Friend;

Have you ever regretted what came out of your mouth the second it hit the air? 

Have you ever felt like you just got used by an enemy or unseen force that made you do what you would never purposely do in a million years?

I had that very experience happen to me this week, and I'm not very happy about it at all!

In fact I cried (not a thing that comes easy to me) often for the next 24 hours and had trouble sleeping two nights because of it.  I am just so mad at myself for stupidly getting angry when I had no right to be. Mad for hurting you when there was no reason for it.

I am pretty sure I have figured out why I got angry in the first place. So please, let me explain and apologize.

My friend, you are so very dear to me, and though our ages are not even close, we have spent much time together over the last two years. Many times we have gone out for coffee, or you would come to my home and just hang out with my family. I have even written about you before. That time we had spent an amazing night together driving, getting lost and worshipping (See An Unexpected Night). Most of the time I am in awe of you. You are a strong women who has an amazing relationship with God. Plus you sing and play instruments beautifully (I may be a bit jealous, yes). Sometimes I have even wondered why you choose to spend time with me when you have so many other friends your own age.

That is where I began to go wrong. I had forgotten my place in your life. Not thinking you are better than I or visa versa. I understand that in the Kingdom of God we are ALL co-labourers for the Kingdom and co-heirs with Christ. We are a team, each with different gifts and abilities to use for Gods glory. But like a team, there are different jobs that we fit into. Those jobs sometimes overlap, intermingle, or run along side each other without actually connecting.

For instance, since I work at Tim Hortons I will use an example from there. Our team of 12 staff during the day time rush works best when we are all on task at our jobs. Each person is assigned to a specific job in the morning. But, during the day it is often required that some of us help in another capacity in order for our purpose of serving our customers in a fast and friendly way to be fulfilled well. That means when I’m on counter serving customers that sometimes it is best for me to go help the staff on Sandwich Unit by bringing them the bagels they need to fill my customers order, or letting the baker know they need more of a certain item they are running low on. Sometimes it's easier and quicker for the gals on the Unit to bring the finished sandwich to my customer so I can assist the next customer in line. It's team work.

What would not work is if one of the team working in the Sandwich Unit got more concerned with what I get to do, interacting with the great customers! If that team member kept leaving her post and coming to the counter to interact with the customers we would not have any sandwiches to serve. Likewise, in the Kingdom we have different posts we must keep. To forget your place and step into a place that is not your “assigned task” (this is more a sketch than a hard fast legalistic thing) it can cause a disruption in the functioning of the Body of Christ.

THAT is what happened to me. I was wanting to walk the same journey as you my friend, instead of assisting you in your own journey. I forgot my place, and because I did I caused you and myself pain. I remember that I knew before where my place was in your life. Then I started feeling jealous (sounds so harsh a word) that I didn’t get to experience some of the fun things you did with other friends. I wanted those experiences. I sort of wanted to re-live my 20’s with you. Something I had wasted of my own because of fear. I wanted you as a best friend. Again, something I didn’t really have growing up. I stepped out of my place, just a little at first. I didn’t even notice I did it. What it led to was me actually being jealous when you were not with me. Sad. It sounds so sad and pathetic.

As you experienced, my full downfall occurred this week when I actually told you off. I was hurt that you were shutting my attempt of stepping into another role down. That hurt turned quickly to anger.

My place, which I was in, and hope to be in again is to be a safe place for you. To be the person you can just come and be with. The listening ear, without fear of motherly advice speeches. The shoulder to lean on when you feel worn out, beaten up or overwhelmed by life or circumstances. I’m to be the calm within the whirlwind of your life. I’m to be the one who goes shopping with you when you can’t stand the idea of crowds. Mine is a safe family you can rest in where there is no drama. I’m suppose to be the one who rejoices with you at all the little accomplishments, because I know just how big those little accomplishments are. It is who God made me to be. Not just for you, but I have so loved being that for you. 

Both parties win when both parties honor each other and operate in their given giftings.

As I’ve heard said...there is no “I” in Team, or “me” for that matter. Working together for the good of others is when the Body of Christ functions well together. That brings Him glory.

I love you my friend, and I’m so very sorry. Please forgive me.

Jenn

A God Set Up

Yerba Mate

I saw weed for the first time yesterday. It looks like Yerba Mate, or alfalfa powder. I was taken aback by the freedom at which it was pulled out and shown to me. More so because I didn't want anyone else to see. It is after all an illegal substance in Canada still. How did I, a 40-something "Christian" Mom come to a place in her life where I would be shown weed? That's a very good question. One that I would have very judgementally assumed an answer to back ten years ago. Instead the answer is so simple it may be shocking to the legalistic mindset, which I used to have.

It's called love and grace. Mountains and oceans of it; and ten years ago I would never have been able to give that answer. Mostly because I had never really understood what those were by experience until only a few years ago.   

I lived a life of faith, fuelled more by fear than by love. I was the one who believed with everything in me that God was good, so long as I did all the right things. If it was preached from the front of a church with passion and conviction then I would attempt to live it. I sang loud and danced in the aisles. I managed my money with the hopes that if I was a good steward of what we had than more would come our way. I was more interested in what God would do for me or give me for my obedience or passion then I was interested in who He was, or what He had already done for me. I thought that if I prayed consistently for my family then they would be protected. This was reinforced when I forgot to pray for five days in a row and one of our children broke a leg. I was devastated. I ended up feeling more ignored or forgotten by God than loved and blessed because my limited understanding of love was wrong. But at the time I didn't know that. Living this legalistic way brought more pain and hurt than joy and blessing. I see now that the blessings did come, in spite of myself. 

I am a different person now then I was back then. Since that time I have been loved. Truly loved by people who have an amazing understanding of how good God's love is and how encompassing His grace is to those who dare to accept it. I was loved in spite of my crazy, my obsessions, my depression, my fears, my hurts, my lashing out in hurt, my anger, and my stubbornness. I was horrible at relationship because I didn't feel loved or worthy of love. My problems were too big for others to handle and I had nothing of value to offer anyone.  

For a while I lived in the shadows of the former me. My emotional walls, not as high and thick as they once were, still up. I felt like everything was too good to be true. I had stopped reading the Bible. I no longer prayed as often. I didn't write out my prayers like I had once done and I couldn't even sing some of the worship songs with feeling or conviction. I felt like I was in a no mans land waiting for the bottom to drop out. I didn't know how else to live out the middle ground of what I once was and what i now was experiencing. Instead I just shut down.

Now I am so thankful that those walls were loved into pieces! The more freedom I live in the more freedom I learn is available to me. I have found out that I am a treasure hunter. I have the privilege of hunting for and digging out the truth in others. I have the freedom to walk without fear of judgment from others. Conversing with the Poem Guy downtown at the market, finding out what makes him tick. Asking him his name. I head straight for him now when I see him instead of avoiding him like I used to do. He is loved and has value. Just like all of us. Just like the guy who showed me his peanut butter jar half full of weed. He is worthy of being loved. He is worth getting to know. He has gifts and abilities that are essential to others around him. He has value and purpose that goes beyond what he does for a living. I'm hoping that I can pass on a little of that revelation to him just like it was passed on to me. The feeling of freedom that comes with it is so wonderful!