Last night was awkward. Last night was condemning. Last night shouldn’t have happened. What happened made me begin to doubt my faith in God. It set a whole chain of thoughts and emotions into effect that I should not have allowed. It made me feel less than loved, and even disappointed in God.
I had someone point me out and say God wanted my children’s backs healed of Scoliosis. This is how I processed the whole thing.
I ignored what he said.
I think he noticed, cuz he came at me again a bit later with, ‘God really means it, He wants to heal the children, but somethings blocking it.....’
I responded with a bit of an attitude. ‘I’m not opposed to God healing my kids but it hasn’t happened yet, so I’m still waiting.’ That was the end of that.
SO! in essence, what he just said, and what I just heard, like nearly every other “well meaning” christian out there who has done the same thing to me over the years was that I was blocking the healing process. As Mom, I was not good enough, faithful enough, trusting enough. Somehow all the right responses were void in me, and THAT’S why my kids have not been healed from the bone disorder, or the symptoms of the bone disorder, like scoliosis. It was MY fault!
Oh wait! It could also be because I have ties to the Masons! Right! that could be it!!! Because the kids use the Shriners Hospital for Sick Children in Montreal, and the Shriners are first Masons. Therefore that’s preventing God from healing my kids. It’s the unholy tie.
Well I say BULLSHIT to all that!
If God could create everything out of nothing, it was HIS faith that created. If His plans and purposes were to have my children healed years ago then no amount of disbelief from me could stop Him. I’ve seen and heard of hundreds of people healed who did not believe. And only some of them believed after they were healed. Not all. Some of them even “lost” their healing eventually. Does that mean God made a mistake in healing them?! Not in the least! That person is and always will be Gods child and God chose to lavish a gift on them. Not a waste at all!
Does singling me and my kids out for healing after years of not seeing healing do any good? Does it move any of us to faith?
Not in the least!
In fact it moves me now to distrust the person who says anything like that! The internal result for me was to be reminded of how “the church” see me and my family. Damaged goods. Unable, or unwilling to be fixed.
It is not loving at all to point out someone and insinuate that I am the reason that God has not healed my kids. It is not loving to remind me that in nearly 20 years not one of my four children has been healed of this genetic disorder. Because that is exactly what just happened last night.
If you were truly listening to Gods heart perhaps He was telling you to quietly pray about my children in your secret place. Maybe you should be praying that Gods love would be shed abroad in their hearts. That they would fall in love with Jesus and choose a life of love in everything they do, and serve others in love. Because regardless of what they look like, how they move, or how often they receive treatments, above ALL the physical stuff they are valued by GOD for exactly who they are, the way they are. And I will not have my children mad or disappointed in a god who “refused” to heal them because their mom wasn’t a good enough christian!
Maybe it is time “the church” does the same thing. Maybe it’s time we stop looking at the obvious and start asking God to heal the brokenness within our hearts. Stop pointing out the imperfections in each others short-term temporary housing situation (our bodies) and start focusing on the eternal love that can be experienced, and shared.
That does not mean I do not believe God can or will heal! I am not against the teaching or praying for healing. My husband is still alive today because God brought him THROUGH health issues many times. I still believe God could heal my kids, and that God can and will move through our prayers for others healing. But I caution you to be wise.
Perhaps if you are feeling the general compassion for the other person you should be asking what they want prayer for instead of assuming it’s healing of a long time issue. Be quick with your love but not with your tongue. Ask for Gods will in their life, don’t ascribe your own sense of justice to the other persons situation and assume that healing of a physical issue is the only possible outcome needed. Gods ways are NOT yours. You are the one who still sees as through a glass dimly.
If you think you have all the answers, you are in for a surprise.
(I speak from experience in that. I know less now then I did 25 years ago when I first chose to follow Christ. Now I desire to only know His love, it is the only thing worth really knowing.)
3 comments:
My daughter and I were approached in a parking lot, by a very well meaning pastor, who saw her in her wheelchair and wanted to pray for her. I have no issue at all with this as I know and believe God is good However, in his speech to her before the prayer, he told her God would heal her in 30 days, and she would walk. My daughter, almost 18, has a unsure level of faith, not against, but in no means sure of her path. His words, in my opinion only hurt her more then healed her.
I personally was frustrated and concerned for a few days, when I finally decided to speak with my husband about it, I do not believe that God won't, or can't choose to heal, my faith is strong enough to know, that if there was a need, he could, and would, but I do not believe that praying and asking for a healing is a 100% guarantee that it will happen, nor do I believe that not praying will keep it from happening. So it is tough, what do I tell my daughter about this stranger in the parking lot? Do I say, I love that he prayed for you, but I do not think it is going to happen! Do I say, I love that he prayed for you, I pray everyday, let's wait and see? Or, I love that he prayed for you to walk, I am so excited I can hardly wait for the 30 days to pass! My daughter knows, she is perfect to me, just the way she is!
I really like the ending paragraph, " Perhaps if you are feeling the general compassion for the other person you should be asking what they want prayer for instead of assuming it’s healing of a long time issue"
My daughter, who has had Spina Bifida all her life, told me a cpl weeks ago, "Isnt it odd that you my sister is so healthy, seeing that Spencer has Asthma and I have Epilepsy?" I looked at her, and asked "Epilepsy? Thats the one you choose as your ailment?" She laughed. She does not see her Spina Bifida, it is what she always was. If she could ask for a healing it would be for the Epilepsy!
How dare that person say such a thing to you, as if he's speaking for God!
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