Actions of the Missing

It's been awhile since I last wrote...I've been busy. Really!
I took a job. Yup, the thing I dreaded to have to do. I finally caught a break. I had been handing out resumes for a few weeks, filling in online applications too. There was never a bite. We had no money and no way to make any with no one hiring. I couldn't even get an interview. I was getting more and more disheartened. With painful knees I also dreaded the idea of working. How was I going to be able to stand all day in retail when I could hardly walk up or down the 6 stairs to my front door? Or down the street to pick up Shalom from the bus! Or through the mall without having to sit part way through to hand out the resumes!!
It was torture not having finances come in, and it was torture applying to jobs I knew would be physically painful to do just to get minimum wage. I was feeling trapped and pretty hopeless.

Then a break came! I handed a resume over to someone in the mall. We had a nice chat, but her store had already hired two girls last week. She even directed me to the Mall office where a book of jobs in the mall was listed. I thanked her and off I went. Next day the phone call came. A store I hadn't applied to but was the sister store of wanted to see me ASAP. I high tailed it there that afternoon, interviewed and within 10 minutes was asked if I wanted the job. I started the next day at noon. 
Wow! Did that just happen?!?

I was right about pain! Standing for six hours was incredibly painful! Especially the first day! As the days progress the pain increased, but in my feet not my knees. In fact the ligaments on either side of both my knees seemed to be strengthening. The pain in my feet from standing was slightly lessened by good shoes. It's been two weeks now and my feet did adjusted to standing but I found I have one arch that is either falling or just needs more support. It hurts to even touch it. I'm noticing the pain in my knees more now though because the pain in my feet is no longer over-riding the rest of my senses. 
SO! I'm working and have yet to be paid. First pay cheque comes on the 15th. An actual, physical cheque too. So old fashioned! I already know it will be disappointing. So much less then Larry used to make per pay cheque. 
I am thankful I have a job that is low stress though. The job is easy. It's like babysitting a cash register and taking money from people who are so easily parted with it, especially in this store! Country decor items. I can't work past 9pm...10 soon when christmas hours start. But that is so much better than my last job that had me working the 4pm to 1am shift. Ugh! I hated that!!! The hours are not horrid, and the work fairly easy, the pay not great but the ladies I work with are! It's a very laid back environment. We all get along well and there is no work place "drama" really.
Now, if only Larry can find a job that pays better then minimum wage, is full time and local! Then we will be able to stay here in Fredericton. That's the goal. To stay here and not to move away.

Photo by Michelle V Charlebois, 09-10-2011
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Helping Others

This is a quick follow up to last weeks blog. With no money in the banks, and no money coming for over a week (from last Thursday) things were and still are desperate. I really have no idea how people with very little income or who are on social assistance do this every day, month after month and year after year.  I have had the huge but guilty blessing of having two of our children working. It's the teens in the house who are the "bread winners" at the moment. Not that their part time pay cheques go far in the sight of our dismal situation, but they have been big helps.
Last weekend our oldest daughter filled the gas tank. That was huge for us. With kids to take to or pick up from work at odd hours it's been a benefit to them. But to be able to interview for a job or get to the normal things like a doctors appointment or church it has helped keep moral up to not be stranded. This weekend it was our second child, my 16 year old son who bought gas. He also bought a big apple pie from Costco to take to a pot luck on sunday. That way we didn't feel guilty about going without food in hand to contribute. That would just not be comfortable at all, six of us showing up without food expecting everyone else to feed us. I'd not go rather than do that. BUT, my favourite 22 year old was getting baptized yesterday and I just had to be there to participate. Our youngest daughter ended up getting baptized too. What a great day it was indeed! Thanks in part to my sons generosity in purchasing a huge pie.
Another huge blessing came from one of my readers. I was more than surprised to get a phone call telling us that an anonymous donor had come forward and purchased for us six days worth of dinners from a new local business in town. Not a wealthy person, but a regular person who just felt the need to be a blessing and help where he/she saw a need. That is exactly what Christ called us to do, love one another. Love is way more than the touchy feely hugs you get from friends or family. No, love is way more tangible then that. It's stepping up to the plate and doing something, being physically there, crying when another cries, rejoicing when there is something to rejoice over, and pitching in when it's needed too.
I did not write last weeks blog in hopes of manipulating anyone to give us money or buy us stuff. I could never do that with a clear conscience. I often hide things so that I don't look needy (note the above story of the pie). I did write and I will continue to write because I know I am a voice that needs to be heard. To stir people up to think of others, think of the situations behind the smiling faces you meet everyday. There is a hurting world right in front of our eyes. It doesn't take much for any one to end up where we currently are. We just happened to have experienced it more frequently then most due to major illnesses causing job loss, income loss, or financial strain in some way, including but not limited to the need to move a thousand miles again. This is not something we are willing to do again by the way. We have all had it with moving.
No, I write partly to help me process my thoughts. Keep things clear and navigate through them less blindly. I also write to seek answers. There are lots of people, Christ-followers, who have encountered difficult times. Some of them need to know that difficult times happen to all of us. Some need to know that those difficult times do give rise to questions, including questions about our beliefs. God's not going to strike you dead if you feel yourself less faithful, or questioning your belief in a good God. I've been questioning His love for me and His goodness to me now for nearly a year. I know I'm not perfect, but maybe some of the ideas I've held onto about God are incorrect in the first place. If I don't question them, test them, then how will I ever find out, or change them if they are wrong?
That is why I write. Not to complain about my situation, though it might come across that way to the casual reader. Of course my current situation is what is squeezing me. And ya know what they say, You can only tell what's on the inside when you squeeze it and the inside comes out. The repeated squeezing has finally broken my outer casing and what is really on the inside of me is coming out. I am questioning weather what's inside is strong enough, and true enough to keep me stable and hold me up. Is it a true foundation that can support the structure God needs me to be?
My guess is NO, it's not. Which means I've got some changing of mind sets and tearing down of lies to do. Not an easy task, and not something someone can do for you. No three point sermon will ever help me do that. This is a solitary journey that I must make alone. It just so happens I'm inviting you along for the ride.

Thank you to the donator of food! And to Dinner Ease of Fredericton, Nb. This gift you both have so selflessly given has been a bright spot in a dreary week where nothing else good happened.
If any of you living here in Fredericton know of the needs of someone else consider DinnerEase and purchase them a pre-prepared meal that can be delivered. Gift baskets are even available.  Visit their web site at http://dinnerease.ca/welcome.html for a look at what they offer.

Also, please consider contributing to your local food bank where ever you live. Having just visited there last Tuesday has opened my eyes to the lack of food and the poor quality of food often donated. Mushrooms that I would have thrown out because they were too old, and one box of cereal for a family of 4 school aged kids, and a once a month limit on food hampers because they are so low in donations. I was appalled! Once we have an income again we will definitely be purchasing an extra item or two of good quality food to donate to the food bank. Being poor should not mean also being unhealthy because of a lack of good food options. We live in a country and an economy that has excess of everything, and an abundance of good healthy food choices. I want others to benefit from what's around them. The poor of Canada should not have to eat like they live in the third world when we as average citizens with meagre incomes can do something about it. It's together that we can make a big difference.