A Letter to my fellow Christians

Dear Christian Brothers and Sisters;

     Today I have decided to finally write to you. I write because I am hurt once again by your continued ignorance and judgments levied against me. Yes, I know you mean well and think you are looking out for my best interest. But your finger pointing only results in at least three fingers pointed right back at yourself. So today I'm going to show you what you look like from my perspective.

General Background....
I have four children and a loving husband. All of whom were born and diagnosed with a bone disorder causing them to fracture easily. An additional side effect is the possible development of scoliosis. All four kids did develop some degree of it, my younger two far worse. Both need medical intervention to some degree. One needs surgery by March or April of 2015. The other now wears a brace to hopefully prevent her from ever getting to the point of needing surgery.  That's where we are right now. An emotionally difficult stage somehow wishing and barely hoping that God will intervene THIS time to correct their backs without the need of surgery.


The History....
Due to this disorder, the lack of understanding, and educated doctors locally we had to seek out help. We needed medical specialists who have been studying this connective tissue disorder and treating it successfully. We were blessed enough to find world renowned doctors in Montreal. And I literally mean world renowned! They are the top specialists in the field of research and treatment for connective tissue disorders who actually travel the world. What a blessing to find such knowledgable physicians and researchers, who are also very gifted at treating children. We have also never paid for any of the travel, hotel stays, or our food while there. This includes airfare! Never have we had to pay out of pocket for one trip. Nor have we ever had to pay for orthopaedic or bracing appliances. That's been probably thousands of dollars alone!

So for 17 years now we have been attending appointments at least twice a year in Montreal, and St. Louis, Mo (during a four year stint in the States). All four children have improved in their bone density and thus reduced the number of fractures due to the treatments they receive and the instruction we have all gotten regarding everyday living. Like what to avoid, what to do, what to eat, and what not eat. The quality of their lives and our families life has only improved because of these wonderful specialist.

The Shame.....
My only insinuated shame comes from where I take my children to get this free and amazing medical care. We go to The Shriners Hospital for Children. 
Yes, you are correct, the Shriners have to be Masons before they can be Shriners. And if you are a christian who believes in the power of healing you have no doubt heard that to be connected to a Mason is also to be subject to the vows they take of secrecy when they join. 
So out of the goodness of peoples hearts I have had books pushed in my face about the Masons. I have been told, bluntly, that we need to stop going to the Shriners hospital and renounce the curse we have taken on our family for going. 
It's as if Christ's death did nothing to protect us from this present evil at all!

The Result.....
I had to come to a place where I could attend the hospitals for the great care my children still needed but have a blanket statement to give you well meaning busybodies. This is it..."The wealth of the wicked is stored up for the just". Being a christian, saved by His Grace I am now a new creation. I am now a Saint. And as such I have the right and privilege to take and use what was meant, or spoken, in evil and receive it as a part of my inheritance and blessing. I was at peace with this until one of my daughters heard someone talking about the Shriners and she came to me wondering why there was any negative associated with going there, as she has done since birth. You were no longer dealing with me, you touched the innocent heart of my child! Mother bear has just been woken!

In Conclusion......
So, let me say this, well meaning Brother and Sister in Christ. Your well meaning stinks of self righteous judgement. Not once has any who criticized me for taking my children to the Shriners Hospitals and told me to break ties with the organization ever offered an alternative.
Not one individual, church or ministry, has ever offered to stand with us and pray daily, or hourly, for as long as it was necessary to see full healing and restoration in any one of my children. Nor has any of those mentioned ever offered to pay for our flights, our food or our hotels to visit these very same doctors in the Montreal Childrens Hospital, where they also practice.  

If I am so in the wrong for taking my children to get the medical care they required because I am not walking in faith, or taking on a curse under a particular philanthropical  association due to their own lack of wisdom by making a vow against God (have grace, they do not know what they are doing), then how much more are you, dear brother and sister in the wrong for judging me for doing my best for the care and health of my children when the very brothers and sisters I need to stand with me and fight abandon me?!

The Encouragement.....
Let me not be accused of lashing out hatefully at you for your own lack of wisdom brothers and sisters. I want to take this last moment to encourage you. Please, lay your hands on the sick, cast out demons so that they all recover. Seek and chase after the signs and wonders Jesus told us we will also do in Mark 16:15-18. Let this only be a reminder and even a wake up call to you Church, that sometimes  (probably more than we would like) you will need to make the commitment to walk that difficult road WITH the sick, the lame and the demon possessed in order for there to be full joy for all when the restoration does come. What is there to loose in the perseverance in such matters? What is there to gain should be the real question. 
For, as it is in my case, I have very nearly left the fold over the years of your judgments. Angered, beaten down and discouraged by always seeming to not be strong enough in my faith, or good enough for your help. How much different could our lives have been if only one person made the commitment to walk with us in this difficult journey of multiple health issues, and just prayed for even one of my children every time they saw them, or thought of them? What if we were encouraged instead of repeatedly discouraged in doing the best for our children that we knew to do?
So, learn from us. We were worthy of the effort, but no one seemed up to the task of taking on a long term commitment. Oh, the rewards that could have been gained by ALL of us! So instead keep in mind, the next person you see most probably needs the same kind of love, encouragement and commitment that we have been denied. Unless maybe, I'm really just expecting too much....

"Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you."

~ 2 Corinthians 13:11

Actions of the Missing

It's been awhile since I last wrote...I've been busy. Really!
I took a job. Yup, the thing I dreaded to have to do. I finally caught a break. I had been handing out resumes for a few weeks, filling in online applications too. There was never a bite. We had no money and no way to make any with no one hiring. I couldn't even get an interview. I was getting more and more disheartened. With painful knees I also dreaded the idea of working. How was I going to be able to stand all day in retail when I could hardly walk up or down the 6 stairs to my front door? Or down the street to pick up Shalom from the bus! Or through the mall without having to sit part way through to hand out the resumes!!
It was torture not having finances come in, and it was torture applying to jobs I knew would be physically painful to do just to get minimum wage. I was feeling trapped and pretty hopeless.

Then a break came! I handed a resume over to someone in the mall. We had a nice chat, but her store had already hired two girls last week. She even directed me to the Mall office where a book of jobs in the mall was listed. I thanked her and off I went. Next day the phone call came. A store I hadn't applied to but was the sister store of wanted to see me ASAP. I high tailed it there that afternoon, interviewed and within 10 minutes was asked if I wanted the job. I started the next day at noon. 
Wow! Did that just happen?!?

I was right about pain! Standing for six hours was incredibly painful! Especially the first day! As the days progress the pain increased, but in my feet not my knees. In fact the ligaments on either side of both my knees seemed to be strengthening. The pain in my feet from standing was slightly lessened by good shoes. It's been two weeks now and my feet did adjusted to standing but I found I have one arch that is either falling or just needs more support. It hurts to even touch it. I'm noticing the pain in my knees more now though because the pain in my feet is no longer over-riding the rest of my senses. 
SO! I'm working and have yet to be paid. First pay cheque comes on the 15th. An actual, physical cheque too. So old fashioned! I already know it will be disappointing. So much less then Larry used to make per pay cheque. 
I am thankful I have a job that is low stress though. The job is easy. It's like babysitting a cash register and taking money from people who are so easily parted with it, especially in this store! Country decor items. I can't work past 9pm...10 soon when christmas hours start. But that is so much better than my last job that had me working the 4pm to 1am shift. Ugh! I hated that!!! The hours are not horrid, and the work fairly easy, the pay not great but the ladies I work with are! It's a very laid back environment. We all get along well and there is no work place "drama" really.
Now, if only Larry can find a job that pays better then minimum wage, is full time and local! Then we will be able to stay here in Fredericton. That's the goal. To stay here and not to move away.

Photo by Michelle V Charlebois, 09-10-2011
.  

Reality Check

I often listen to the local Christian radio station. Have done for so many years over all the various places I have lived one could say it may be more of a habit then anything else.  I don't listen to secular music, or radio stations. Since I turned my life over to God back when I was 17 I have listened to nothing else but christian music. 

I was convinced even that my eldest daughter shouldn't listen to secular music. Many an argument occurred over the very topic. Mostly I just started to get upset, not because I couldn't change her mind, she was old enough to make a decision weather I believed it was right or not, but mostly because her choice was now influencing her younger sisters. They were still young enough that they did what their parents said but the words in music were filtering in through their older sister and I couldn't stop it.

Eventually I just stopped objecting. Instead I focused on explaining to the younger ones why I choose to listen to christian radio. What you put into your mind and heart through your ears and eyes is not just important but can be critical. I do believe that. I've had experience myself that once something is in, you can't get it out. 

But this isn't what i wanted to talk about.....

The point I was getting to was I heard a funny but very scary thing on the local Christian radio station the other day and it just hasn't left me. It's been hanging in the back of my mind now for a few days. Part of me wants to hang on to it, to meditate and find out how it applies to me.

So, the thing was a sort of commercial for christian living, and it's usually something funny. This one was about a guy asking a genie for stuff and her saying "yes master". Sort of taken like from the old T.V. show, I Dream Of Jeannie. The guy asked for a good day a work, a better job, a bothersome coworker to be moved to another department, a roast for dinner, a good golf game tomorrow, and good weather for the golf game.... Then the announcer guy said we often treat God like a Genie asking for this and that and expecting it all to be done for us. Like God is at our beck and call. 

I started to wonder, is that how I pray? I think I did at some point in my 20+ years of christian life. I've definitely gone through phases of how and why I did things. The current phase worries me the most, I don't hardly pray at all. I don't regularly spend time with God just listening. I spend a lot of time in avoidance mode, just keeping busy. Because I don't know what to do with the questions I have, the struggles I've been though. I feel completely broken. Which is suppose to be a good thing, broken before God, But it doesn't feel like that kind of broken. I don't know how to explain it any better than that though.

So, this commercial that has gotten into my head. I'm wondering if I am just currently rebelling against the order making I used to do, and the disappointment I felt when my orders where not fulfilled. Sounds plausible doesn't it? It would make sense. Except that I am too close to the problem and can't see truth.  I can't tell you if that really is what's going on, or if I have really fallen away from God, or if I'm just being a stupid child sulking cause I didn't get my way. It feels like all of the above, and yet possible none of the above. Only God really knows the heart and intentions of the heart. So, it is only He who really knows me and my motives and reasons.

All I know right now is that it is difficult to go on living like I've got it all together and I can and do relay on God. I'm not sure I actually do at this point. 

That said, I haven't actually left Him either.