Amber Necklaces: Why are all the Christians suddenly relying on Crystals and Metaphysics?

When I got saved back in the late 80’s there was one thing I learned well. To stay far away from the New Age anything! I use to like music termed as New Age and though I loved the calming effect of background instrumental music I was taught it had powers I should not submit myself to. In hind sight I was really being told the powers and spiritual entities behind this metaphysical and pseudoscience New Agey stuff was more powerful than the spirit of God…but that’s a whole other story!

That was then and this is now. It’s been nearly 28 years since I threw out (or gave away?) my New Age albums. I never looked back. Never wondered about it, never really came across the ideas again. Fast forward to the year 2015 and I am now seeing amber necklaces on just about every baby in town. I can recall my first introduction to it. I remember thinking it was pretty. I also remember thinking, but not saying out loud, ‘isn’t that a choking hazard?’ , and ‘but isn’t that a new age crystal thing?’.

I find it strange. 

I don't have any more little babies. All mine are grown up, the youngest is now a teenager. So I’m thankful I didn't have to encounter the question of whether I would submit to cultural peer pressure or the old warnings to avoid all New Age looking stuff. And the peer pressure is real! I get it!! Who wants to have a cranky, drooly, teething baby when the mom beside you at Gymboree has a smily happy baby, supposedly thanks to the amber necklace she wears? It is silently judging you for not being a responsible parent cuz you don't have one for your baby therefore your child is suffering needlessly. Yadah,Yadah Yadah…

I wonder who the first person was who started putting amber necklaces on these helpless tiny humans. It’s a booming business now of course. But does anyone take the time to first find out why? Who said it calms babies from teething? Did anyone try their baby with the necklace and without to see it if made a noticeable difference? It’s totally something I would have done. But I’m super sceptical about almost everything anyway.

Which is exactly why I’m writing this. Because I’m sceptical that Christian moms out there are blindly following the pack without giving a single thought to the power or spirit behind the use of these amber necklaces. And I’m not against them at all! I just want to open the topic up for discussion so people can make their own decisions not based on peer pressure, or parental pressure. Here’s what I found.

Amber is used in the Metaphysical healing and cleansing of oneself or others.

“For millennia, crystals, minerals and gem stones have been used to bring about healing and enhance physical, emotional and spiritual balance. The ancients must have somehow known that when worn, the energies of the stones would interact with the human electromagnetic field to bring about subtle energetic changes.”

Another page goes on in depth about the qualities of Amber itself…

Lots of info out there in Google-land about the healing properties of amber, and other stones. Nothing conclusive scientifically though. Just the suggestion that it is more of a placebo effect.

I also found a writer that sounds like a concerned grandmother who also happens to be an actual scientist. She did some research and its thorough. You can find her article here.

She found that the “scientific” reasons for wearing amber may not be worth it. If Amber contains Succinic Acid and that’s what is leaching out of the amber into the baby to bring calmness then is it measurable, helpful, or harmful?

Here’s some of what she found out…

• Baltic amber (the type usually recommended for teething) does contain succinic acid (here). Other types may not.

• I could find no evidence that Baltic amber releases succinic acid at body temperatures. Succinic acid melts at 187 °C but it’s moderately soluble in water. So if it indeed seeps out of the amber, it couldn’t be in molten form. Body temperature (about 37 °C) would be insufficient to melt it. There is a possibility it could be dissolved by sweat.

• Succinic acid is found naturally in our bodies and in many foods, including beer and wine (here). In some countries, it’s allowed as a food additive (number 363). Generally, it’s considered safe (here), although, just as there are no studies on its analgesic effects (see next point), there are none investigating its safety in humans. Interestingly, in bulk it’s regarded as a skin and respiratory irritant, with a risk of serious eye damage (MSDS here). The oral rat LD₅₀ is 2.26 g/kg.

• There is some history of succinic acid being used externally to treat pain. I could find no scientific evidence that it works. Scepticon had the same problem – no studies, no RCTs, nothing. There is a single animal study (here) showing that succinic acid may help in reducing anxiety in mice, but nothing on analgesic effects.

Those are two perspectives. Here’s mine. 

I absolutely hold no disrespect towards Moms and Dads who use amber necklaces on their babies. I believe God created everything in this world for our use and we, as the prophets of our own lives have full blessing to live and breathe and have our being however we decide is best for us to live. Scientifically we now know that everything has a vibration. Christians would even go so far to say the vibrations in every object is just a remnant of God speaking it into existence. I don’t disbelieve that either. Of course things with their own vibrations can and do effect the vibrations of something near it. If you know anything about music this is a basic principle. So maybe, regardless of whether science has yet been able to prove or disprove the benefit of using crystals or stones there still might be some benefit to the internal vibrations we humans have, or even pick up walking through this messy complex life that can help ground us, or stabilize us. I think it’s possible anyway.

As for me, this topic of Amber Necklaces for babies doesn't yet apply to me (Grandmotherhood could be just a year or four away after all) but the teaching does. So does the life lesson to be open to all that God created and provided for us. Just because something was once wrapped up in spirituality that I didn’t at the time understand, does not mean I should now continue to keep a closed mind to it. I’m actually more apt to go hunt those old fears down and investigate them for some underlying truths that were missed, that made them attractive in the first place. That made them fearful and seem dangerous to the people in my early formative christian years.

Either I was under the influence of some really warped teaching, obviously very fear based, or else there is validity to the apprehension towards crystals, gems, and stones. But that’s not for me to decide for you. That is for you to decide for yourself.

A Problem With Christianity

Lets face it, there are many problems with christianity because, well it involves people. As soon as people get involved in anything something is going to go wrong.

Well "people" have had ahold of Christianity for too long and made all kinds of stupid decisions, and rules. In fact, I have come to believe much of what we see, either in the news of Right Winged Evangelicals, or right in your local neighbourhood church is more man made rules and traditions than what the Creator of the Universe actually intended for us. Here's one example.

(Please, keep in mind as you read, I was one of these judgmental christians that I describe. This comes out of the process of relearning to think for myself, I am exploring who I was and who I want to be now. I do not write this to condemn anyone, but hopefully to show that love must always win.)

Sex before marriage. Hot topic right? In theory most christians who have been in any one church long enough will eventually come to hear, if not fully believe that sex before marriage is wrong, and well, down right sinful! Though nowhere in the Bible does it actually say the words 'sex before marriage is sinful' it does address the issues of adultery and sexual immorality as condemnable. The closest thing then to condemning sex before marriage comes from Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:2 (AMP), where he says, "But because of the temptation to impurity and to avoid immorality, let each [man] have his own wife and let each [woman] have her own husband." It's understandable how they came to this conclusion to some degree. Today we see culturally that what we tolerate today becomes the Norm just one generation later. It's just unfortunate that we end up getting told what to do, or not do based on fear instead of love. Back to my point...

As a result, on the whole, the 'church' says SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE IS SINFUL.

So, what do we do when someone in our youth group (everyone knows as least one, no?) or our own child (god forbid!) in absolute fear, reveals that she is pregnant?!? What do you do? 

Well, I know what my reaction was when I heard at 17 that another girl in my youth group was pregnant and the christian father was not in the picture anymore. I felt sad. Sad that she was alone, sad that she was having a baby, sad for the baby. Not once did I feel excited that she was having a baby! I was taught the whole situation was sad. I wasn't close friends with her to begin with, so it never effected my relationship with her, but maybe this mindset I had learned prevented me from having a friendship with her later on. I was biased against her, for all the wrong reasons when what she really needed was love and support. 

I also recall feeling sad for her parents and family. I was young, but knew her pregnancy meant her whole family was now judged harshly by the church at large. 'That poor family'. Obviously this daughter had a rebel spirit. They were such a good upstanding family in the church, until then...I never saw much of her after the rumour of her pregnancy spread through the church. It's no wonder really.

So let me dissect this a bit. 

If a girl (I'm not picking on girls...if you're looking for a feminist fight go somewhere else...I'm just trying to explain my point of view here without the need for politically correct explanations)...

If a girl admits she's pregnant, as a church we condemn her because she had sex outside of marriage. She's labeled as sinful. So what do we do with the baby? Abortion is out of the question for a born again christian, because we very strongly believe abortion is murder and therefore also sin. That doesn't stop the girl, the guy involved, or any of the soon to be grandparents from entertaining the idea as 'easier' though, really, if we are honest. It enters the mind weather you want it to or not.
Do we force the girl to give it up for adoption and to hide a beautiful gift of life in order to hid her sin? Sadly sometimes that happened(s). Probably more than I realize. Do we force the girl and boy (man and woman) to get married so that the pregnancy outside of marriage is only you know, sort of sinful? What if that's really the wrong thing for these two people and causes way more problems for them in the long run? Cuz, being a divorced mother is just as bad in the church culture as being a single mom, never married (so I hear from a divorced mother of 4). 

It's like "we" as a church culture are trying to figure out which is the least sinful way of "dealing" with an obvious sin. But really, all that is accomplished is that this fictitious girl I've mentioned now feels horrid, rejected, sad and perhaps even angry. Those are NOT the feelings we want a young lady to feel when she has a precious life all curled up inside her, closer to her heart and emotions than anyone else ever could be. With unloving responses to a life situation that should bring joy instead we condemn, reject and judge harshly. This damages all parties involved on a deep level. It binds up and puts all involved in fear. 

Yet, if she had only waited to get pregnant AFTER she was married everything that is sad about the situation would be celebrated and rejoiced, shouted from the rooftops, posted on Facebook, and Instagram, or even Periscoped. WHY!!?? 

It is a thin veil indeed between the two. Which is why I personally have decided I no longer want to react with sadness to the joyous news that someone I know is expecting a baby. Married or not, young or old, financially "set" or barely making it. Those things should not be a factor. Instead, and again regardless of their life situation, I should rejoice with them, and if I'm in their life in any important kind of way, see what I can do to help them. 

Cuz, I've had four babies....and no one knows better than I just how much help, encouragement, love, and a good friendship one could use while raising a family. Whether that love comes once, for a short time, or for a long time, it is always needed. 

For me, it's time to choose love over man made rules.

What response do you choose?

God Encounter

I love God encounters. Unfortunately I have found they don’t come often, or last long. My experience has been one of frustration regarding this area. I use to have God encounters often a few years ago. Back before our church kind of fell apart. I still miss those days. Those were the days when I had people of faith loving me for who I was and what I was becoming as if they were one and the same. I felt loved and validated, so I was able to feel that love from God too. It was easy then to just be in His presence and experience Him. 

My experiences of feeling His presence included whole body trembling. It was not so visible from the outside, but internally I felt like I was on continual Vibrate. Once it lasted three whole days, until I literally couldn't take it anymore and asked God to stop. It still happened from time to time after that, just not as long as that time. But it also happened fewer and farther between until I just never seemed to sense His physical manifestations anymore. 

The last one I can recall I wrote about here in this blog. I had gone for a random roaming in the car with my friend. She controlled the playlist and I drove. By the time we got back to the city I was drunk in the spirit and not driving safely anymore. When we arrived at her place I literally crawled into her kitchen and laid laughing on the floor. I couldn't go anywhere. I was enjoying every second of the spiritual drunkenness. It was a first time for me, and never having been drunk on alcohol before this was truly a first. It ended abruptly when I was told to quiet down…my first spiritual drunk was squelched by someone I thought would understand and would have grace to let me enjoy it. I left feeling deflated by her instead of built up and encouraged by His encounter. That was three years ago perhaps….and the last physical manifestation of God I have experienced, until last weekend.

Fast forward to Valentines Weekend 2015. My husband and I were away for the weekend out of town at a lovely hotel. Snowed in on Sunday we literally just hung out resting most of the day. Sometime before dinner I turned on my computer to WorshipMob on Youtube and watched their version of Say Something. It is a song that will stop you in your tracks and arrest your heart. It is powerful! It is also very beautifully sung. Such emotion in the voices. I let the music and the words penetrate me. I felt them. I associated with them. And I worshiped Him. 

After listening to that song at least three times I moved on to a few of their other covers, Oceans was one. Another powerful song when you listen to the words. And I felt them deeply. Then I became aware that I was twitching and shaking. A physical manifestation of Gods presence, finally! This was not a self induced reaction, but it was a familiar reaction for me. The feeling caused me to wiggle, or twitch. My body was reacting like I was being gently kicked in the stomach and I was reacting in slow motion. I couldn't stop it if I wanted. I can't make myself do it, not the same anyway. And when Gods presence rests on you it is not something you want to go away, or try to reproduce on your own. It’s often different for each person how He responds to you and in you. That’s the best I can do to describe it. It's wonderful and intimate. 

I had SUCH revelation while I worshiped and enjoyed His weight on me. I wrote a friend later trying to described it, but I just couldn’t do it justice in such a short description.

Specifically when I was listening to Oceans (originally by Hillsong United) I was most moved by these lyrics….

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Saviour

These words just brought me to a realization that I, having sung them many times before, fully asking God with all my heart to do exactly this. To take me to new places, where I have no preconceived ideas of what to expect. To take me in places I would never think to wander myself....and here I am, doing just that!

My revelation was not done!

Here is what I wrote (and I’ll probably add for clarification) to my friend later that night.

“A surprising evening connecting with God tonight with some really meaningful worship music.

I did not feel condemned, which I suspected I would seeing as I’ve pulled myself away from most church related activities. I did not feel wrong, sinful, judged or anything negative at all. Quiet the opposite in fact! I felt the lack of resistance because of the music and therefore more open to Him. And more moved by Holy Spirit. I actually had a physical manifestation of His presence. A gentle shaking that came and went. I’ve had that same reaction to Him before. I felt like I was being affirmed that I was on exactly the right path for my life. Heading the right way. It’s not the path or direction any regular church goer would ever understand. In fact all of them would probably assume I am further from God than I ever have been before.

Most similar image to what I saw in my vision.

No! This is a mountain top experience! This is revelation! I am at a new vantage point in which I can see others the same way Jesus see us. He does not look at us with lenses or filters at all, except the filter of His shed blood, the lens or His Fathers love. I too can now see others from above, from His vantage point, and without the lenses dictated by society, or denomination, or even culture. I can see humanity in its purity. without spot or wrinkly. And we are perfect!”

I haven't been able to force myself to sit and worship for a long time. This evening it just came naturally. With no effort at all. Feeling His presence physically also came without me trying. Before it was usually something I strived for, to earn or to stretch for, hoping that if I was just maybe good enough in the last week, or honest hearted enough maybe I would sense Him in some way. For the first time it happened without the ache of trying, or striving, or the mental anguish of, “I’m not worthy”. For the first time it just came because I had stopped trying. I stopped resisting. The negative speak in my head had stopped weeks ago, so nothing was telling me I couldn't do it…but instead I was lost in the moment and just was…and then He showed up!

Dear Katie

Received this message on my Facebook Timeline this morning.

This is my long response...

Katie:

I am at a lose for words….but maybe as I write I can force my mind to form into words the emotions your thoughtful post has evoked!

First of all, I think the me you saw all those years ago was not nearly as stressed out as I eventually got. I am so thankful for our friendship, your love and your prayers! It was one of the best decisions in my life to fly you into Winnipeg to help after Rose was born. I remember wishing you could just live with us forever. You were so helpful and the kids loved you so much.

My experience sounds a little similar to the shows plot line. At the time we found out Rebekah had OI I too had faith that God would only give me what I could handle. And to His glory by the time she was born the broken femur that was bent in her first ultrasound was straight with no outward sign there had been a fracture before birth. The x-rays confirmed the healed fracture. Genetic counselling was given so we understood the odds were 50% for each child to be born with Brittle Bones. But other than the first appointment to diagnosis both Rebekah(3mos) and Larry(30yrs) we never sought out anything further during each pregnancy because abortion was NEVER an option for us. My mother on the other hand was the only one who suggested that I shouldn’t have anymore babies because of the disorder, though she never suggested abortion either….it was a painful conversation that still upsets me to this day (Bekah is now 21).

Every life has value and a purpose. Every encounter we each have with others in this life is an opportunity to shape the other. It is our choice if we will allow that interaction to make us better or worse for it.

I don’t think, looking back now, that I was overwhelmed because I had four children with Brittle Bone Disorder or because my husband had multiple heart surgeries. I was overwhelmed because of the lack of good relationships in my life that would allow me to speak, be heard, feel valued, and important and like a contributing part of society. Having other mothers, grandmothers and women in general not want to ask me how I was, back away from me even was very lonely.  Not being offered help, not being available to be a shoulder to cry on, not speaking encouragement or life into me and who I was as a wife, mother or woman is where the hurt came in. 

So if I was to speak of anything that is hard, or overwhelming in life in general it is not the physical demands of being a parent to children who have special care requirements. Those things can be tiring, challenging, and frustrating….sometimes even exhausting. But it is the lack  of emotional support that hurts, harms and ultimately defeats a parent, any parent, any person. Feeling alone in the world, especially when you have to deal with difficult situations is the true illness of society. Being a christian I probably held other christians to a higher standard. One which they all failed, regardless of where I lived. With a few brief exceptions. In Winnipeg my best friend was Sikh and not a christian at all. The two years I lived beside her were the best years in Winnipeg, because I finally had a friend with whom I could talk about anything. She was not afraid to hear about the things I found challenging and had to deal with for the health of my family. And I was able to do the same for her. I dearly loved her and wish I could find her as we lost contact with all our moves.

Another example of the lack of support happened early in my life. At 16 I worked for a year with a little boy who was legally deaf, blind and had Cerebral Palsy. He was sweet and his mother very kind. By the time I was in my 20’s the news broke one day of their murder suicide. She was overwhelmed by the lack of help, especially as he was aging out of the system as he approached 18. It was a very sad story and was difficult for me having actually known them years ago. 

The lack of emotional help offered to me as a parent through the Shriners Hospitals has also concerned me over the years. No one knew I was depressed for all those years, nor would I admit it to myself, because ya know, as a christian I was support to be happy. And obviously my faith was not strong enough or else my family would have been healed! But not once was I ever asked how I was coping with four children, and a husband who had health issues. Not once was I asked if I wanted to talk about it. Nor was it suggested that I see a counsellor but my family physician or the Social Workers at any of the hospitals we would grace the floors of during some crisis or other. 

So, my big question is, who is taking care of the carers? Who is seeking to befriend them? Who is loving them and supporting them. Treating them like normal humans with a need and desire for relationships other than doctor/patient/caregiver connections? Who is checking on them and how they are doing? I had no one, literally for years on end. My life was too overwhelming for others to consider being friends with me. But friendships, or mentorships would have made a huge difference in my life. The church fell very short of loving one another in my case….how many other women are sitting in pews and chairs feeling unnoticed, unimportant, overwhelmed, and unloved? 

This is why I have no use for putting myself in those seats ever again. But also why I want to be a mentor and to love on the young women who will let me love them in my life.

Jenn

A Letter to my fellow Christians

Dear Christian Brothers and Sisters;

     Today I have decided to finally write to you. I write because I am hurt once again by your continued ignorance and judgments levied against me. Yes, I know you mean well and think you are looking out for my best interest. But your finger pointing only results in at least three fingers pointed right back at yourself. So today I'm going to show you what you look like from my perspective.

General Background....
I have four children and a loving husband. All of whom were born and diagnosed with a bone disorder causing them to fracture easily. An additional side effect is the possible development of scoliosis. All four kids did develop some degree of it, my younger two far worse. Both need medical intervention to some degree. One needs surgery by March or April of 2015. The other now wears a brace to hopefully prevent her from ever getting to the point of needing surgery.  That's where we are right now. An emotionally difficult stage somehow wishing and barely hoping that God will intervene THIS time to correct their backs without the need of surgery.


The History....
Due to this disorder, the lack of understanding, and educated doctors locally we had to seek out help. We needed medical specialists who have been studying this connective tissue disorder and treating it successfully. We were blessed enough to find world renowned doctors in Montreal. And I literally mean world renowned! They are the top specialists in the field of research and treatment for connective tissue disorders who actually travel the world. What a blessing to find such knowledgable physicians and researchers, who are also very gifted at treating children. We have also never paid for any of the travel, hotel stays, or our food while there. This includes airfare! Never have we had to pay out of pocket for one trip. Nor have we ever had to pay for orthopaedic or bracing appliances. That's been probably thousands of dollars alone!

So for 17 years now we have been attending appointments at least twice a year in Montreal, and St. Louis, Mo (during a four year stint in the States). All four children have improved in their bone density and thus reduced the number of fractures due to the treatments they receive and the instruction we have all gotten regarding everyday living. Like what to avoid, what to do, what to eat, and what not eat. The quality of their lives and our families life has only improved because of these wonderful specialist.

The Shame.....
My only insinuated shame comes from where I take my children to get this free and amazing medical care. We go to The Shriners Hospital for Children. 
Yes, you are correct, the Shriners have to be Masons before they can be Shriners. And if you are a christian who believes in the power of healing you have no doubt heard that to be connected to a Mason is also to be subject to the vows they take of secrecy when they join. 
So out of the goodness of peoples hearts I have had books pushed in my face about the Masons. I have been told, bluntly, that we need to stop going to the Shriners hospital and renounce the curse we have taken on our family for going. 
It's as if Christ's death did nothing to protect us from this present evil at all!

The Result.....
I had to come to a place where I could attend the hospitals for the great care my children still needed but have a blanket statement to give you well meaning busybodies. This is it..."The wealth of the wicked is stored up for the just". Being a christian, saved by His Grace I am now a new creation. I am now a Saint. And as such I have the right and privilege to take and use what was meant, or spoken, in evil and receive it as a part of my inheritance and blessing. I was at peace with this until one of my daughters heard someone talking about the Shriners and she came to me wondering why there was any negative associated with going there, as she has done since birth. You were no longer dealing with me, you touched the innocent heart of my child! Mother bear has just been woken!

In Conclusion......
So, let me say this, well meaning Brother and Sister in Christ. Your well meaning stinks of self righteous judgement. Not once has any who criticized me for taking my children to the Shriners Hospitals and told me to break ties with the organization ever offered an alternative.
Not one individual, church or ministry, has ever offered to stand with us and pray daily, or hourly, for as long as it was necessary to see full healing and restoration in any one of my children. Nor has any of those mentioned ever offered to pay for our flights, our food or our hotels to visit these very same doctors in the Montreal Childrens Hospital, where they also practice.  

If I am so in the wrong for taking my children to get the medical care they required because I am not walking in faith, or taking on a curse under a particular philanthropical  association due to their own lack of wisdom by making a vow against God (have grace, they do not know what they are doing), then how much more are you, dear brother and sister in the wrong for judging me for doing my best for the care and health of my children when the very brothers and sisters I need to stand with me and fight abandon me?!

The Encouragement.....
Let me not be accused of lashing out hatefully at you for your own lack of wisdom brothers and sisters. I want to take this last moment to encourage you. Please, lay your hands on the sick, cast out demons so that they all recover. Seek and chase after the signs and wonders Jesus told us we will also do in Mark 16:15-18. Let this only be a reminder and even a wake up call to you Church, that sometimes  (probably more than we would like) you will need to make the commitment to walk that difficult road WITH the sick, the lame and the demon possessed in order for there to be full joy for all when the restoration does come. What is there to loose in the perseverance in such matters? What is there to gain should be the real question. 
For, as it is in my case, I have very nearly left the fold over the years of your judgments. Angered, beaten down and discouraged by always seeming to not be strong enough in my faith, or good enough for your help. How much different could our lives have been if only one person made the commitment to walk with us in this difficult journey of multiple health issues, and just prayed for even one of my children every time they saw them, or thought of them? What if we were encouraged instead of repeatedly discouraged in doing the best for our children that we knew to do?
So, learn from us. We were worthy of the effort, but no one seemed up to the task of taking on a long term commitment. Oh, the rewards that could have been gained by ALL of us! So instead keep in mind, the next person you see most probably needs the same kind of love, encouragement and commitment that we have been denied. Unless maybe, I'm really just expecting too much....

"Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you."

~ 2 Corinthians 13:11

Lessons Learned Through the Trenches

God does the most unusual things sometimes!

So, much to my husbands dislike awhile back I had accepted a friend on Facebook from my past. High school in fact. Some guy I went on a date with once.
I must have liked him. I have since found I had put a star beside his picture in my school yearbook. Grade ten.  He says we saw Ghostbusters. I thought he was a different guy with the same first name. When I realized it wasn't I thought he was another guy I knew, also the same first name. I'm so ridiculous! I felt real badly that I didn't remember the date. He had contacted me to actually apologize for dumping me after that first and only date. I forgave him, but what I fool I felt for not remembering him!
I guess that also means I wasn't completely devastated that he dumped me.  I could go on about my unlovely teenage years, and the many heartaches I did suffer....but I'm going to stick to the topic, GOD's amazingly weird sense of humour!

So, apologies given, and forgiveness received. That was that. Or so I thought.

The other night, midnight my time he messages me on Facebook. Want's to ask me a question.  I got nervous. Had a weird thing happen on Facebook less than five years ago....Thankfully his question was not weird. In fact it was ridiculously surprising! He had seen from some of my status updates that I was a christian. So this was his question...
"If you don't mind me asking, do you have any suggestions for someone who has had a falling out with the Big guy?"

Well! Knock me over with a feather! That was definitely a great and unexpected, but lovely question! Unfortunately it was asked at a late hour. So I did respond a bit and he admitted I got his brain churning, but sleep was calling, cuz us 'over 40's' just can't stay up all night like we could when we were young.

My response was basically that even if he felt like he had a falling out with God, God was still right there beside him. God had never gone anywhere, only my friend thought He had. That's common
really in situations where we pull away from God. It makes us feel like God is across a great chasm and it is too difficult to reach Him again. But in reality, though we are blind to the spirit world around us, God never leaves us, nor forsakes us. He is always faithful to us, even when we are not faithful to Him. God makes big promises, and He never breaks them!  

So, since our conversation got cut short due to the late hour I thought I would try to respond a bit more here with what's been on my heart since. My friend and his wife can read this weird little blog I started and see how I have struggled but continue to pursue God anyway. In spite of the anger, disappointment and lack of support I have had and still deal with sometimes.

Things I have learned over the last few years keep me coming back to God, and not giving up. Like, for instance, just because we don't understand the "answer" doesn't mean God broke a promise, or isn't with us. It means we don't see everything from His perspective, like He does. And, just because Gods people don't know how to react, or respond, or even love us the way we need during and after a crisis doesn't mean God is rejecting us. All it means is people don't know how to respond. They are fallible people, just like me. I don't know everything, am not a mind reader, and in some cases have not been taught how to respond to some situations others might be dealing with. This is where I need to grow in grace towards them. I have to choose to not be offended when someone does not respond towards me how I expect them to respond to me. 

Something I have also come to realize. Todays culture and societal norms do not prepare us to walk through tough life issues with others over long periods of time. For instance. The first time my husband had heart surgery he was in hospital for two whole months. When he did finally returned
home, he was weak and under weight, but he was alive! We had three small kids at the time, aged from 5 months to 4.5 years old. The first few weeks of his hospitalization I had casserole dishes and meals piled in the freezer. We had visitors to the hospital and cards too wishing my husband a speedy recovery. Then when he got home no one visited, no one called, and no one brought over prepared meals. But this was the hardest time for me! My mother who looked after the kids during the hospital stay was now gone home so I was left to look after all three kids myself AND after my husband who had very little strength to do much but eat and sit and dress himself. Plus I had the house to keep up, bills to do (with much less income on sick leave), and daily chores like groceries or laundry. At first my hubby could not even watch the kids by himself. I was way more in need of help when he got home just like when he first went in hospital. But I never told anyone that. And no one asked. 

We had been the flavour of the month at church. Then suddenly no one was there to help. But they didn't know I still needed it. Only someone who has endured a long battle emotionally, or physically would understand just how long the battle really is! It's not really over when you put on aires and show up to church with smiles on you're faces. Sometimes that's only the half way marker, or not even that! Sometimes it's just easier to pull away and not say anything.
But God created us to be in community with one another. So when someone doesn't know, we must ask for the help. We must open our mouths and say we are not happy, we are depressed, we are struggling with our faith or we are too tired to fight anymore, or we need help putting food on the table! If we don't then we are not giving others the opportunity of being a blessing to us. Or the blessing of learning how to walk through a difficult time in another persons life. These are character building times, for us but also for the outsiders who don't know any better. 

Yes, this above is giving the benefit of the doubt that people are naturally good at heart and want to help. I have also experienced people literally backing away from me as I tried to answer their question of how I was. Sometimes people feel overwhelmed by their own life troubles and honestly don't want to "deal" with someone else's stuff. That's fair too. I've been there myself. Doesn't make it feel any better when you are in desperate need of support though. 


So that is the time it would be wise to turn to God and bury your head into His chest and let Him
support you. (I'm speaking to myself here...this is good advice!) Tell Him all your fears, and hurts, and needs. Tell Him you are mad, or sad, or broke, or desperate for normal...whatever that is. Tell Him! He is a great big God, He can handle our emotions. He is not afraid of us getting angry, or angry at Him. He is not shaken by our fears, or lack of faith.  When our small children come to us afraid, or heart broken, or mad at us a good parent does not turn them away and say get your act together! No! We turn to our children, gather them up in our arms, maybe rock them a little and whisper things in their ears to calm them, and show them they are loved. How much more will our Father in Heaven do that for His children!!? All we need to do is turn to Him as tell Him.

To the Mother I Once Was

Dear Self

This might seem strange to be receiving a letter from the future you but this is very important. Looking back I wish I had someone to tell me this stuff.  But we moved so much, and my relationships were so shallow back then that I just didn't have anyone to turn to.  I don't even know if I would have listened  to anyone else anyway, but it would have been nice, if someone who knew me enough, and cared enough, to try.

You are not at your best. It's not that you are incapable of  being a good parent, or wife, friend or co-worker. It's just that you are far too stressed out. Being stressed out is not your fault either! Don't start blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong. Don't blame anyone else either. Stuff just happens in life. Not everything has an explanation or a reason. But if you listen to me you will be able to walk through the trials you face now and in the near future much better than I did.

Your blame yourself for not being a good mother. You didn't grow up experiencing or watching others raise kids. You were the first in your family to have kids, and all your cousins are either your age or didn't live close enough to see them raised. It's ok. You feel unprepared, and you were. No fault of your own, or anyones. Go with your gut and learn now. It's not too late.

You are very logical, more so than you realize yet. That revelation came to me not long ago. Vulcan like. SO I appeal to your logical side. No one knows better than I just how you feel, and how you blame yourself for not being a good mother. But listen to me. There is a deeper problem here then you realize just now. Part of why you won't even consider what I'm saying is because it goes against so much of what you feel is biblical truth. But I'm here to tell you, it is not at all!

You are depressed. NOT because you don't have enough faith. NOT because you are a bad parent, or incompetant. NOT because you were made defective, or because God has rejected or is ignoring you. You are depressed because of a far simpler reason. And it turns out, a far more common reason. Let me explain...

A few major causes of stress (not limited to this, and not necessarily in this order):
- death or illness in the family (or self)
- moving
- financial issues
- marriage, divorce or giving birth.

And at this point in your life you have experienced five from this list, at least once.

Occurrences of major stress in your life, whether good or bad stress, causes a disruption in the serotonin functioning in the brain. Serotonin is your happy hormone. It is produced in the brain and responsible for making you feel happy. When stress occurs it actually kills off serotonin. It interrupts either the production or the uptake of it. This is all normal. What is not normal is when a person has multiple occurrences of stress, one after the other or prolonged stress without time to get back to normal. This causes a disruption in the uptake of serotonin that can not be overcome on it's own. This is what has happened to you. That's all it is. Just a disruption in serotonin uptake. Not its production. Not your inability to have faith, or just trust God. It's just a cause and effect type thing. You are not crazy. You just need to jumpstart your brains ability to take and hold onto serotonin again.

My advice to you is not to go around telling everyone your troubles. They will just back away and not understand. The unknown frightens them. And don't start vomiting out your hardships to cashiers at grocery stores. Instead, tell your doctor you are sad. Tell them you are angry all the time. Tell them you can't make yourself happy anymore. Tell them you don't feel like your normal self. Do whatever it takes to get the medical help you need.

I know you also have health benefits from hubby's work. Use it! Get Counselling! Talk to someone who can give you help dealing with the stress in your life. Someone who can give you ideas on how to better manage stress. Someone who will not see you as a lack of faith Christian, but as an overwhelmed mom and wife. There is nothing to be ashamed of in that place. Nothing to be scared of so stop trying to be strong and allow yourself to get help.

Only good can come from pursuing the help you need. You can be a better, more calm mother. You will be a more patient and loving person. I just wish it comes sooner for you than it did for me. The biggest regret I have now is that I listened to the lies of the unknowledgeable. The lies that told me I did not have enough faith, or just wasn't thankful enough. Because I listened to those lies I stayed in a place of fear, hurt and anger for a much longer time then I had too. I missed good years with my older kids because I was too busy being angry at them, fearful for them. I missed enjoying life with them. I missed being excited and surprised at their little accomplishments, and their funny antics. I missed enjoying the easy times. The family outings to the park, the zoo, the back yard. Instead I was always waiting for that next ball to drop, and the slightest thing would set me off.

 I didn't realize I was like that. I didn't realize I was an angry mother. I didn't know I could possibly hurt my children emotionally. I didn't know I would have things I did that I could not bring myself to bring up to ask for forgiveness of them later on. But I do. Such shameful behaviour.

But you can change all that!!! YOU have the ability to avoid all that by getting help now! Talk to
someone else who knows. And if you can't find anyone you think is trustworthy, I know that's an issue,  then find a counsellor. Tell someone. That's it. Simple. And not scary. Not complicated. It's easy to hide from people who don't understand, but you will come to understand. And you will be so much better for it.
So will your family.

Signed; your older self.